Lived Experience Forum

[eudemonism]

Self love is a myth @Appleblossom although i understand what you're saying... self love will only get someone so far...

[Appleblossom]

Unfortunately I have heard many people in the community talk that way about their own family members. I cant go there. I believe you.  Can you kieep the contact you have with them stable, and not ask for more from them, but look elsewhere for ways to grow and connect with people. People who dont just want a smoking or drinking buddy? 

[eudemonism]

Yea... @Appleblossom that's a tough call... i mean, even the doctors and the professionals are all involved with myself because of really bad news.... 😄 what else should i expect from everyone else???

[eudemonism]

People need people @Appleblossom

[Appleblossom]

True @eudemonism At all levels and in different ways.

[eudemonism]

@Appleblossom I've just had a conversation with myself and cleared up a few things. Indeed feeling like a victim to everyone in my life now. Feeling like i don't wanna seek punishment upon them, to discipline them or to retaliate or the mhs may call it symptoms to my illness again...

[eudemonism]

Everything negative I'm going through is caused by resentment... & forgiving them... and the only potential positives... is resenting them, & punishing them (winning the battle)... which I'm afraid to do... because i don't wanna be made a victim again... because if i punish them... they will have two options... forgive me or punish me...

[eudemonism]

Society in general has used me as a scapegoat @Appleblossom

[Hope4me]

Hey there @eudemonism

Reading your words was a trip down memory lane.

I think you need to allow yourself space to be mentally ill Eude! Your brain is sick for goodness sake! How could you possibly expect to work things out when there are times your mind can't even fathom getting out of bed in the morning?!

I'm not sure what situation you're in at home, but turning music off, packing photo's away and simplifying your home is well worth the effort. I did this so I didn't have any triggers or items that made my head spin. Even if you put things in storage; your home needs to be bland for a while.

And family? I stayed away and if I couldn't get out of it, I listened. My expectations were really low in the beginning. I mean, I was so mentally unstable, it was an effort to breath and smile let alone converse with anyone. Many a day I ended up in the loo crying, panicking and wondering how I'd make my escape.

My family got used to me listening instead of talking. People let their guard down too and disclosed all sorts of secrets and stuff.  

For some reason we feel guilt and that we owe people an explanation for being mentally unwell. Let them wonder ok. When you're stronger, let them have it with both barrels. But for now, rest. Feel sorry for yourself and take a long bath whenever you want.

Please go easy on yourself ok. Rome wasn't built in a day...one step at a time.

Sending kind and gentle thoughts your way;

Hope 

[TAB]

Hi @Sophia1 sorry I didn’t see your post til now. Umm yeah ditto re never grew up, well in good and notso good ways re me I guess. Thanks for compliment re impish 😸 nice to know there are more imps around 😀