Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shaz51]

you do your own internet research and try out things, , Yes @Appleblossom xoxo

[Determined]

I dont have a lroblem with mindfulness generaly as I have seen some success with some of these strategies and do use them when necessary.

My main beef with councillors and mindfulness @Appleblossom is that so many of them seem to play the same recorded message before even trying to get to know me or the real reason I am there. Last fool at the uni, the one that refered me on because I ws too hard for her initally was convinced she was going to 'fix me' in 6 visits.

Current councillor is great, that is at a  comunjty organisation set up to support families. Previous one I saw was a student at a university psychology clinic. She actually took the time to find out what my barriers were and then set about trying to work with me to reduce thise barriers. She wasnt even qualified yet and did more for me in 5 visits than the previous psychologist did in 5 years. 

By far the best councillor I have ever seen was a university councillor. She never once talked about mindfulness excercises. She just talked through my issues and talked through my toughts in order to accept my situation (ie burnout, ill health, and my inability to work and  most importantly living with and supporting a wife who had enough of life and wants it all to end).  I initally went to this lady for careers advice as I was contemplating dropping out of uni alltogether and giving up myself. She made a huge impact in my life and I was very distressed when she left the university. Managed to hold it together when she told me she was leaving but had a good bawl when I got home. 😭

[Determined]

Short version of that is that there are some real gems out there and some absolute wasters and impostors, it just takes determination to sift through all the crud to find someone who is rigbt for you. 

[Appleblossom]

Yes @Determined

Thats another kind of "lived experience".

I find it interesting to reflect on the changes and type of language I have seen in the field over time.

I dont think people should get too hung up on definitions on any particular website, but use ideas that seem relevant to probe for a best approach.

[Former-Member]

I think the inherent difference between caregiver and caretaker is not doing things that one does not need to do (things the care recipient can do for themselves) and ensuring one self cares.

The concept of boundaries does have negative connotations in my mind too but we all have different household "rules" some are quite simple such as not leaving the small room with an empty roll to the bigger things such as cooking and cleaning roles which are often based on the individual strengths of household members. I think at the heart of it is respect and consideration (which is often given more willingly to work colleagues than close family).

Finding that sweet spot where there is not over involvement but also not under involvement has been the hardest part I have found in being a carer. Having someone by your side (and on your side) to help with a chronic condition is beneficial to anyone and not just those with MI.

[BenHarper]

It's a very good point you make but sometimes a treacherous path to navigate. Unfortunately the woman I care for was severely neglected & abused from a young child through to adulthood.

She believed her childhood was normal. A common theme from her early years was to be told she was useless and made to go to her room or locked in her room where she survived by becoming an avid reader. This had a positive effect of making her highly intelligent. At the same time so far all and any attempts to encourage her to participate in daily life including care of herself simply leads to deeper depression, more suicidal ideation and extreme violent outbursts.Her abuser also encouraged apathy and lying in bed as a form of control and to have his victim where he wanted her when it suited him.

I have had some success after hundreds of hours of talking to her when her mood permits but they are small and generally insignificant. Chances are considering her history these behaviours are fairly permanent. I will always keep trying news ideas though. Never give up.

Having someone on my side is something I dream of 🙂

[Appleblossom]

Me too @BenHarper

Your lady is a lucky lady.

There needs to be some sweetness in the give and take of a relationship.

"Having someone on my side is something I dream of" is a little secret wish inside me.

I keep squeezing in more good dreams to make the bad ones go away.

I hope reading and sharing on the forums help.

[Appleblossom]

I am a little anxious about my son.

He was very intense and serious about cataclysmic climate change when I returned from my trip.  It might be research and information he has to integrate, but I am just flagging it as a potential issue.

He had an intake appointment this morning and went off to visit a friend and nodded it was fine if I rescheduled.

[BenHarper]

Hi
How old is your son?Are you anxious he might obsess over the issue of 'cataclysmic' climate change. It's interesting as it is one of my interests/passions. The more I read the more serious it appears to be in spite of the deniers attempts to ignore it. Difficult to say much until I understand more. A great many share his concern but he may need to have an open honest conversation about it and try & explain the many things around the world that are being done to mitigate it.
Difficult and heavy topic
Hope it all goes well

[BenHarper]

Thank you. Yes well need someone we can turn to. Without that life quickly becomes desolate & cold. I have found most peeps glaze over, turn away as soon as they hear 'mental health' or just assume you are exploiting the system. 😞

I hope so too :))