Lived Experience Forum

[Meowmy]

@Appleblossom Thanks for words of wisdom. It is a harsh world. At my job, I have to be very careful. There is meaning to be part of the work force . I find the forum meaningful and fulfilling. 

Thanks for care and support. It mean a lot to me.

[Meowmy]

@Faith-and-Hope @Appleblossom @greenpea @eth @Shaz51  thanks for care and support. I am coming to terms with my mum ,to her most important is her own ego and self. That to fulfill that before our needs for love and support. It is not easy caring for her, that she just foremost just want to be in charge and superior than all others surrounding her include council care workers.

She does have a better inner self. When I was very ill. She came daily to see me at the hospital. Now I am seeing her a bit more clear and losing her at the same time.

When she will be gone, I won’t have anyone in real life to support me if I get sick and in need. Just work towards self independence that I would be ok without her.

Thanks to all again. The forum makes such a difference to my life.

[Faith-and-Hope]

As @Appleblossom says @Meowmy ..... gently-gently .... one step at a time

I am glad you are feeling the support of the foruns.

[greenpea]

@Meowmy  from talking with you over the past few weeks I can tell what a strong person you are. You are one tough lady. You will be fine, I can just tell that when your mum passes you will find a new sense of freedom. I really wish this for you Meowmy. greenpea xxxx

[Meowmy]

@Matt12 thank you for post. Sorry to hear your story with your unkind parents. I think there are very dysfunctional families. Then most families are dysfunctional to certain degree. I find in my life, I couldn’t cope with the pains of my parents ‘ true colours that I became psychotic when they forcefully removed me from my then financee and good friends. Then I was working in a somewhat toxic workplace. That taught me a lot about the reality of the world, but also brought on a lot of deep emotional pains that I kept having psychotic breakdowns. Then I moved to a new workplace. The stresses there are usual workplace stresses. I couldn’t free myself from the enclosing influences of my parents that my friendship with a male friend kept falling down. I had a couple more psychotic breakdowns.

Then I realize I can’t hide from my deep past pains. Otherwise I will never be healthy and live a normal life. So I started to gradually face the pains of my past. It had worked for me so far. Each time I face some pain, it was terrible for a short time, then my Suicide struggles are much less. I am beginning to have some normal friendships with people.

The forum is vital in supporting me through this process.

I am now gradually facing the most painful part, the part my mother played in my illness, loneliness and sufferings.

I hope you will find peace,happiness and health in life.

i am sorry that you may have to go through the deep pains to be finally relieved.

But let’s hope it is all for the greater good and happiness.

@greenpea @Faith-and-Hope @Appleblossom @eth 

[Meowmy]

@Faith-and-Hope Thanks so much for support and care. I am trying to cope at home with mum. She wants me to take her for a holiday. I went for another walk on the beach. Feel better after. Thanks for post. I felt the surge of emotions when I came back and remember you said gently and small steps, one at a time. I hope it won’t affect me too much. But I think this time, the stuff won’t send me psychotic in hospital again.

Thanks again.

[Meowmy]

@greenpea thanks for care and support so much. I went for another walk on the beach and feel better. I try to not let the emotions surge too much. Take small gradual steps.

With you, forum friends around, I feel safe to do that. I think previously when I was hit by those deep emotions, I just panic and became faster and faster in my thinking to resolve the issues. That I ended up in hospitals with psychotic breakdowns.

Thanks so much.

[Shaz51]

sitting with you @Meowmy 

[greenpea]

@Meowmy  No need to thank me it is a pleasure talking with you. You are a very kind and lovely person Meowmy :)xxx

[Appleblossom]

@Meowmy 

I am all too familiar with hypervigilance, panic and speeded up thinking.  Somehow I have not been to hospital and manage at home in the community, but I need a lot of time out "looking after my mental health" and have to limit driving at times. I have difficulty socially, although that seems to be getting a little better. I still do not have many visitors.  For a while I worked hard at it, recently I am accepting that I am more of a solitary girl and that can be good rather than always struggling with misunderstandings and expectations in relationships.

Learning to be chatty has helped ... I had no idea in first 30 years!  I would mainly watch and nod.