Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Jill1]

Hi I'm new to this site. I have two family members with mental illness - my mother and younger brother. My brother is in his thirties and has never left home. I moved out years ago and was living in another state, then moved back in with my mother and brother about 6 years ago when mum became very ill, and needed me to care for her. I have been her carer ever since. Mum has schizophrenia and is elderly so has some physical issues too.

I'm coping taking care of mum but the issue is my brother. He has had some kind of mental illness for years but refuses help from the mental health authorities in Adelaide, no matter how many times it is offered. He refuses to be assesed so I don't know what's wrong with him. He has some paranoia and delusional thinking, and has accused me of putting cameras in the house. Last week he said I was the devil and screamed in my face, and said he has to hurt me because I'm hurting him. I called ACIS and they took him to hospital but they sent him home the next day. They said he didn't do anything dangerous so they can't detain him, even though something is wrong.

I don't know what to do. I'm not his carer, but my mother owns the house we live in and she wants him to stay. I used to have sympathy for him but am now just angry he refuses help. He says there's nothing wrong with him. Last year he broke into someone's house and frightened the people there. He didn't hurt anyone or steal anything but obviously it was terrible for them. He was arrested and had to go to court but they just gave him a fine.

I'm scared and uncomfortable and am just waiting for him to snap. He has his own money from an inheritance when our father died, so isn't on the disability pension. He just goes out most days and buys groceries, then comes home and uses the internet. I don't think he's on drugs, and I don't think he smokes or drinks either.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Jill1,

Your home situation with your brother and mother sounds stressful. It's understandable that you feel uneasy with his odd behaviour and refusal to get help. I imagine it would be quite scary too. 

As you may already know, getting involuntary treatment for your brother relies on an assessment where he is deemed at a risk to himself or others. It's sounds pretty frustrating to have your brother discharged despite the authorities knowing that something is wrong.

You are doing all that you can, and calling ACIS the other night was a wise move. Have they offered any advice? Certainly continue to contact them if your brother shows any concerning behaviour. 

Do you feel safe at home? Do have other friends and family that might be able to help?

You may find @Michka26's thread. She is also have difficulties with her brother who refuses to get help. @Michka26 where are you at with getting your brother help? Can you offer some advice here for @Jill1? @HayleyWilliams1 has written here about caring for her brother who was hospitalised after having an acute episode.@HayleyWilliams1 can you talk through the process of what was invoved with getting your brother help?

[Jo]

 I'm so sorry to hear about the situation you are in. I think a lot of forum members here will identify with it. The unfortunate thing is that usually it's not until the one living with mental illness 'hits rock bottom' that something is done. To me, this is very wrong but seems to be the position in every state. When I use the term 'rock bottom' I mean that he does something that is in immediate need of handling differently. One would have thought that breaking into a neighbour's house combined with his other behaviours would have been enough for him to be admitted to hospital for as long as it takes to help him with medications, counselling and support. Proper action from our medical system is usually not taken unless the person who is mentally ill is believed to be a danger either to himself or others. Our mental health system is sadly lacking.

[Former-Member]

Hello @Jill1

This is a very frightening situation to find yourself and your family in.

Make a note of the crisis care team in your state and have it close by out of sight of your brother for preparation when or should the situation arise.

If you are being told that your life is at risk or someone else's (listen to your brother's words) you have to act on that as a risk therefore you ring the crisis care team and tell them  that your lives are in danger. Inform them of any signs of paranoia.

when they come to your house they will question your brother and assess him. They then make a decision re what happens next.

This is extremely hard to do. We felt so awful. We love our son and want to help him. However, when in that state, we were unable to, he was out of control, he needed expert help.

Take care

[Jill1]

Hi

I wrote the original post some months ago. I appreciate your responses, but didn’t reply at the time. I ended up moving out of my mother’s house in May of this year, about a month after my brother threatened to hurt me. I just couldn’t handle the stress from not knowing if he would do something to me. I’m still mum’s carer - I visit her 6 days a week and look after her for most of the day, then go home to the place I’m renting. It’s hard to afford to live on the carer’s payment, but I get by. Mum seems to be doing okay, and has adjusted to me not living there.

My brother is the same, I guess. I don’t talk to him and just avoid him. He doesn’t talk to me but it’s still stressful going to that house, because I worry he’ll suddenly snap. There isn’t always any warning that he’s going to snap and have an episode. I feel stressed when I go to mum’s house and feel I’m waiting for my brother to deteriorate and do something bad.

On one hand I can probably cope with this situation for some time. I feel a bit awful but I see a psychologist and she helps me cope. On the other hand sometimes I feel this is all so weird and uncomfortable and I want to leave. I don’t know what would happen to mum if I didn’t look after her - if she would go into a home or have in-home carers. It would be quite messy to figure out.

I guess I’m being partly selfish in wanting my life back, but this is also about what’s best for me and my family. I don’t want to get hurt, but if I’m not in this situation it might fall apart. I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest while I decide what to do.

Thanks.

[LSeven]

Has your brother been convicted of a crime? 

[Jill1]

Yes but he just got a fine.