Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi All

I'm no stranger to mood swings. I don't know life without mood swings, rage and constant anxiety. I have flashbacks and intrusive thoughts. But since earlier this year my mood swings have become extreme and frequent, from deep depression, suicidal thinking, planning to alert, anxious, hypomanic, elevated and dissociation, switching during the day, most days. I find it hard to live like this. I'm on meds, I've been on different combinations of meds, in therapy, I've talked to my psych about it... I often just don't want to live with myself anymore. I hide when I'm unwell, so people don't see that side and I try to keep safe by riding it out, yesterday I sat in the car half day, today hid in bed just to stay safe & thankfully got hold of helplines. I keep telling myself that at least I have elevated states in between and it's not only deep depression but in all honesty it's wearing me down. I just want my brain to shut up. I am safe, there are a whole lot of reasons behind that, but none of them has anything to do with love, care or future, there all 'practical' consideration. 

[Jynx]

Hey @Former-Member, just stopping in. I can feel how heavy this is for you to slog through every day. Sending a virtual hug and to let you know we're here beside you. 

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Jynx 

hugs back, hope you're doing ok x

[Former-Member]

Good morning 

I would really appreciate to hear from others and their experience. I'll be planning my day now, I always try to structure my day, I listened to a good morning meditation, I'll try my self care & hopefully have a better day. I don't know how to explain myself to my psych anymore. i don't know what would help either.

[Maggie]

@Former-Member  I’m just letting you know I’m hearing you. I understand, unfortunately at the moment, I have no helpful suggestions. Letting you know you are not alone. Sending 💜💜💜

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Maggie 

I just wish I could get some stability in my mood, because I can't live like this. I know there is no magic pill. 

[Former-Member]

Ok, so my day's been 'better' than yesterday if I measure it with contacting helplines. I haven't sat in the car and I haven't hid in my bed to stay safe. Whoopie. I'm just so over it. 

[Former-Member]

I know I'm talking to myself, but yes, I'm so over it!

[Maggie]

I’m listening @Former-Member ❣️❣️❣️

[Radius]

Hey @Former-Member ,
Seems like everything is feeling really unsteady and shifting at the moment. That would be so exhausting. We are here and thinking of you.

Radius