I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I got it thanks @tyme response on its way! 

[Jynx]

"You did bad" isn't constructive @Captain24 it's just criticism. Unless there is sufficient information given as to how to improve your work, then it's just... almost mean hey. 

I totally get that - I have a lot going at once usually so even if one flickers the overall light levels stay relatively steady. Different if you're standing around a campfire?

[Captain24]

I think so. To me constructive is helping at the same time but it just feels like ‘what would I know’ @Jynx. It’s really gotten to me tonight. 

Yeah I don’t cope with campfires either. I like steady light. I don’t cope when the power is flickering. I can say this weird shit now as I get why!!! 

Also another random… I eat the same food for weeks and then get bored. Like I was having carbonara and pasta with cheese a lot and that was kinda it and then I get bored and change to something else for weeks until I get bored of that. Is that weird?

[Jynx]

Sometimes other people take their bad days out on us @Captain24. It's not fair, but it's also not about us. I think unless you're actively being told to do something differently, then any 'poor performance' is actually the result of bad management, and not your fault. 

ohhhhh yes this is a Big Mood in many ND circles!! Safe Foods!! I will absolutely do the same - buy the same muesli bars/lollies/cereal/whatever for like a few months then suddenly it's like 'Oh no it is gross now. We are no longer friends...' 🤣 

[Captain24]

I guess so. It’s also hard coming away feeling good about yourself as you think you did well. To then be told no. I don’t feel good about myself very often and it doesn’t take much to crush it @Jynx 

Oh.. so it’s ‘normal’ in my weird world. I’m just figuring stuff out. I feel like I can ask the weird questions now cause maybe it’s just ‘normal’ for us. 

Do you function or really struggle with it? 

[Jynx]

Ask all the weird stuff you want hahaha @Captain24 I can probably out-weird you 😝

Struggle wiiiiith.... the food thing (yes, yes I do) or the AuDHD thing (also yes)?

[Captain24]

Is it constant that your brain is a mess? Is it constant that you feel like you are fighting within yourself? Do you feel like you can function at all with everyday life? @Jynx 

I was watching this tv show on Netflix and I really liked the story line but everyone kept talking over each other and it made me angry. Like a deep rage inside! Weird?

Of course you will out weird me.. you embrace it, Im slowly admitting to it! 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 constant mess, yes; fighting with self, sometimes but no where near as much as I used to before recovery; function at all - err depends on your definition. I struggle a lot with everyday tasks, I can't keep up with my adulting admin for the life of me, and I live in constant chaos and clutter. But I have a roof, a job, and a support network, so I reckon I'm doing pretty well 😊

Do you watch with subtitles on? I cannot watch anything without subtitles on cos my auditory processing is so bad 😅

Yessssss JOIN US!! hehehe weirdos seem happier imo anyway 😜

I have to skedaddle - ty for the chats hun, catch you next time 💜

[Captain24]

I feel like I’m fighting with myself all the time @Jynx. I want routine and I want to get things done. BUT I don’t want routine and I don’t want to have to do things. I start stuff and don’t finish it then I get upset cause there is mess and stuffs not finished. I can’t cope with the mess and chaos but I have to fight with myself to finish stuff and to tidy. 

My brain is still a mess but nowhere near as bad as before I was medicated. Some days I just can’t think though. I went to the pantry to get a drink! I actually went in several times before I could remember that you go to the fridge for a drink. It makes me feel stupid at times. 

I don’t do subtitles. If something has subtitles I just can’t watch it. My brain can’t process hearing, reading and watching all at once. Of If I read I forget what I’ve read. It all gets to overwhelming! 

Thanks for tonight. I’ll be home around 8 tomorrow night. 

Have a good night 

[Jynx]

Ugh, yeah welcome to the paradox of AuDHD life @Captain24 haha really nailed it! Like I function best when I have external structures, but I despise having external structure imposed on me.

This sums it up haha

  

Omg I do that all the time lol like my brain gets 'lost' or mixes up context cues. Our brains are funny, they actually store information according to association, not logic. Reminds me of this in a way: 

It is not stupidity in the slightest hun. Our brains are just VERY BUSY and so sometimes wires get crossed. 

Haha I swear in ND circles there's a huge divide over subtitle-lovers and haters 🤣

Hope work was ok 💜