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[Code448]

TW: mentions of suicide

Hi all , 

Is there a way though? I don't see one, I am a suicide survivor which is extremely embarrassing especially at the time,  but I guess being intoxicated you don't always get things right... my doctor is filling me with drugs [edited by moderator] my psychologist is borderline sending the police around to take me to hospital ( her words ) ... so my question for people on here is how? How do you feel happy enough that you want to live you're life? Is there a trick to enjoying life or are some of us just meant to live life behind a mask until we decide enough is enough? 

[rav3n]

hey @Code448,

firstly, welcome to the forums!! it's lovely to have you here. 

i do believe there is a way through. when i was at my lowest, i couldn't imagine my life getting better. i felt exhausted and empty a lot of the time. but i did keep going, i took small, slow steps and worked on reframing my thoughts. you know that saying,  'fake it till you make it'? well weirdly that sorta worked for me - even when my thoughts were negative and awful, i reframed them and told myself things will get better, that it's okay to feel this way and i'm not a burden, that i am worthy (even though i didn't fully believe it at the time). the more i practiced it, the more i started believing it, and i did start to see slow changes like, getting my energy back and being able to do the basics (like eat, exercise, hygiene) without it feeling like an effort. and now, i have new goals, interests, passions, etc - i finally have the energy to think about them and work towards them. learning about the brain and how thought patterns work really helped me in understanding myself and realising that things can get better. it also helped heaps knowing i wasn't alone, that there are people who have struggled too and are thriving now. i know that what works for me might not work for you, but i share this in hope that it can provide you with some hope too. 

is there someone (a friend, therapist, etc) that you do feel comfy talking to about those thoughts/feelings with? you absolutely deserve to be heard. i also wanted to check-in, are you able to stay safe at the moment? 
please do not hesitate to reach out to these services if you're feeling overwhelmed:

• Connect with a lifeline crisis supporter (24 Hrs) 13 11 14
• Suicide callback service (24 Hrs) 1300 659 467
• Kids helpline (24 Hrs) 1800 55 1800 for up to 25 years old
• if you're feeling unsafe: 000 Emergency, police & ambulance (24 Hrs)

we hope that this community can be a safe space for you too. you've shown so much strength in reaching out here. let us know whether you're safe 💙

p.s. i've slightly edited your post to remove the medication name + dosage & add a TW at the top. this is to help meet our guideline around 'limit detail descriptions' which you can check out here: Community Guidelines

[Code448]

Hello and thankyou Rav3n 

It is great to hear you're story and that you have completely turned you're thoughts and feelings around, you and I'm sure alot of other people out there also ...

I don't have that person I can talk to, my mates are not the type to take it seriously I guess, when I talk to my therapist I hold back and put on a front to hide my true thoughts I try to give her just enough without her wanting to send me to a hospital but she's very intelligent and can see right though me anyway alot of the time , I guess I've just read way to many bad reviews about people going to the mental ward 😅

I have found lifeline helpful and have used them six times over the last month or two , very nice people and judgement free but get the sense they also are just tryna get you off the phone as quick as possible I think they have a timelimit per caller ( just my personal opinion ) but as to your question .... yes I am safe at this current time thankyou!😊

Thought I'd join Sane and just see what this is all about it randomly popped up on one of my not so sane google searches...

[rav3n]

talking about our honest thoughts/feelings can be hard, and it sounds like you've got a great therapist @Code448 in my experience, the ones who can see through you are the best ones. now you've got the community here too for support 💙

i haven't had a hospital admission before but i have read many other members stories. a lot of them were weary about it too, but many of them did say that although they didn't want to go, they really did need it and it has helped a lot of people. i've heard good things about PARCs, if that's something you're interested in looking into. 

sometimes those crisis lines do get busy/have a long queue, but that's not on you at all. feel free to keep calling them as many times as you need, you deserve the support! thanks for confirming your safety too.

glad you found this space! if you have any questions about navigating here or finding a particular thread, etc., feel free to reach out!

also wanted to share a lil forums tip - when you reply to a member, you can tag them using the @ symbol and typing the username. once it turns blue like this @Code448, it means they will be notified of your response - hope this helps! 

[SANE-Admin]

Hey @Code448 ,

Your post really drew my attention, esp your first post where you mentioned, "Is there a trick to enjoying life or are some of us just meant to live life behind a mask until we decide enough is enough?"

I don't think there is a 'trick' but I do think that people are meant to live a life behind a mask until they decided enough is enough. Why? Because it's the only way they know how.

The main point is, what are they going to do one they've decided "enough is enough"? Is this "enough" enough to push you to consider making changes?

I can share that this was my life. I came to the point that enough was enough. I was sick of being sick. So I made the determination to find a way to change - for the better.

So a few years on, I'm in a much much better place. From dreading each day to actually loving life.

Since you're here on the forums, feel free to also navigate some of SANE's other services. They are all free of cost. Feel free to check them out:

SANE's Guided Recovery: 1:1 individualised support over 16 weeks: https://www.sane.org/referral

SANE's Recovery Club: 6 month program: https://www.sane.org/recovery-club

It's worth it mate. You're not alone.