Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[M93]

Hello I doubt anyone can help but here goes.

I have Bi Polar, Anxiety and PTSD.

I also have a daughter who has Autism/Asperger's and has been diagnosed with schizo affect disorder ADHD and several other things so I'm not sure what her diagnosis is.

Since the age of 10 she has been a very angry person.

She has attacked me physically, kept me prisoner in my house, she removed my keys and phone from me and on more than one occasion I have had to flee the house or call the police. Recently I was in a safe house for a year and a half. When she was 18 she went to jail for holding me up at object point.

On Wednesday I went to visit her as she has Leukemia. She started talking to me aggressively so I said I was leaving. I turned to leave and she grabbed my jumper with such force it tore and I fell backwards hitting my head and falling to the ground. I ended up with whiplash and a badly bruised arm. I was lucky.

When I asked her to apologise over messenger she just lies and says it didn't happen. She will then often tell me she is sending the police and mental health to my house because I need help. My Bi Polar has been controlled for years.

I don't know what to do. I now fear for my life.

[Shaz51]

Hello and welcome to the forum @M93 

sending you tender hugs 

has your daughter have a helth care team 

do you have support for yourself too xx

I have taged some members for you 

@greenpea, @Smc , @Faith-and-Hope , @frog 

[greenpea]

@M93  Hey M93 and welcome to the forums. @Shaz51  thanks for tagging me . It is always great to see more new members. Love greenpeax

[M93]

She is 33 and refuses to see anyone. Always has excuses.

[frog]

I'm so sorry @M93 That's a very hard situation.

The violence sounds really frightening and serious.

Would you consider a restraining order? It's drastic but you have a right to safety and it seems like it not being respected.

I am in a situation with an abusive 18 y/o and it's no win. It's crushing my confidence and damaging my physical and mental health.

I really feel for you.

[M93]

She has Leukemia and hardly any support.

I feel so guilty. 

Part of me says leave her alone for a few weeks and see how she responds.

She won't apologise because she knows she is in the wrong and doesn't want to admit to it as she already has a record.

It's been 17 years of running around in circles.

Thank you

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @M93 and welcome

yo the forums ..... 👋💕

Sometimes the person we care about (I won't use the word live here) or feel responsible for needs their condition to be properly diagnosed, but they don't feel there is anything wrong with them, won't seek psychological diagnosis or even support, and there is not much you can do until something happens to reveal their condition to the wider world.  That has happened to me, only I have an abusive estranged husband who it making life hell for me and our children while playing the victim.

Do you have a mental health provider who can help you work out how to deal with your daughter ?   You may have to go "no contact" with her if she is thriving on abusing others, which is apparently the nature of my soon2bx...... ufortunately I can't go no-contact because we have an adult disabled child caught in the middle of our mess, so it's as low-contact here as I can manage.

Lean on all the supports you can, but maybe consider that you can't help her any more and have to step away, as sad as that is.  It's not a situation of your own making if she has a personality disorder, which is what it is sounding like to me.

Sending you many virtual hugs ..... please step up your self-care as much as you can.  It's not a luxury, it's a necessity !!!

[M93]

Thank you. Many people have seen her behaviour including her exes. I think she got too use to me coming back. 

I'm speaking to my counsellor on Wednesday. 

[Shaz51]

thinking of you on wednesday @M93 

and plesase remember you self care too my friend 

Carers Hints and tips to Successis a good link to look at too xx

[Peggy8]

Hello M93

I feel for you too, especially as your daughter is also living with leukemia.

This is my first post. I came here for help myself as my 40 year old son who has been living with me for the last 5 years, and who also has other health conditions, and lives with borderline personality disorder, frightens me. Before I came here I did do a lot of reading online as to how to handle his mood swings from loving one minute to angry the next, and the way I have been descending into anger and hurt myself.

I'm exhausted, am over retirement age, but can't retire because of all of this, as we wouldn't have anywhere to live. But I'm likely to die soon myself because of all the stress and fatigue. He's gone missing at the moment, as I couldn't handle it, but he's got nowhere to go as he's alienated all of his old friends as well, and can't handle being alone. I'm still committed to the relationship. I brought him into this world without a father and siblings. I can't abandon him.