Something doesn't seem right....

[Desiderata]

Hi all, I'm new here looking for some advice. My partner and I have been together for 3 years, we've purchased a house together in the last month and both feel like we're on a high and couldn't be happier. He has spoken to me about having Bi-Polar, that he has had just one quite bad manic episode in his life in 2019 when his relationship ended. Causing him to become delusional, not sleep for days and was hospitalised by his family. Other than that he seems to be largely unaffected (or so it seems to me) maintains his job, has great relationships a wonderful partner and father to his children. I'm not sure if it is the excitement of the house we've bought, if he's genuinely just very happy but over the last couple of weeks I've noticed a dramatic increase in his energy. Always on the move doing things around the house. Staying up late, but not overly tired the next day. He's always been a drinker but his drinking has increased also during this time. I'm worried as he has said that tiredness and alcohol have triggered his symptoms in the past. He made a comment yesterday that seemed strange, almost like a hallucination but laughed it off. I think I need to ask him if he's ok but I don't know how, I don't know a lot about his history in this regard as he's been very private or played it down possibly? I'm scared he could have a breakdown like he did before if he doesn't get on top of things but could he also just be really happy and full of life given this big change we've made. How do I tell the difference and raise the topic? Thank you. 

[rav3n]

Hey @Desiderata welcome to the forums community!!

Firstly, congrats on buying a new house - that's big achievement!

Next, I can see how much you really want this relationship to work and how much you care about your partner. Your feelings and concerns are valid. I see how this is scary for you, watching your loved one show all these signs and not know how to go about it can definitely be overwhelming - just know that its totally okay for you to not have all the answers! People do respond to difficult conversations in different ways, so what works for one person might not work for all - although i don't have personal experience with your situation, I do want to share some resources that may be helpful (and I'm sure our community will pitch in with some advice soon too!)

• Here's some more information on Bipolar disorder, there's some resources linked in this site
• Families, friends & carers (sane.org)
• This is a guidebook with some information on ways for carers to support people with bipolar
• There's also posts made by others relating to caring for someone with bipolar here, may need to scroll a bit to find the ones you relate to most

When I've tried to have those difficult conversations with people, I try to arrange a time and place to have a private conversation (i.e. if they tend to be tired in the evening, then I'd try schedule this conversation in the daytime when they're more likely to listen). I'd also preface the conversation with letting the person know I'm worried about them and I'd just like to voice my concerns first and then I'd be open to hear their side. I'd avoid being reactive/arguing, etc - if it does seem to head towards an argument, i'd de-escalate or pause the conversation and come back to it another time. These are some tips that have worked for me when having mental health related convos with people, I hope those work for you too. 

While I can see you're trying to support your partner the best you can, please don't forget to look after yourself too! Reach out to someone you trust & make sure to get your self-care in! Our forums community is also here for you!! 💗

[Desiderata]

Thank you @rav3n I appreciate your advice and providing these resources 🙂

[Paulie]

You have been together for 3 years. You know this is unusual. Get him to stop drinking as post-drunkeness exacerbates anxiety. 

[Running-Mum]

Hi, 

sorry to hear about your partner. 

The excessive drinking and lack of sleep are definite signs of spiralling. See if you can talk to him about it and maybe you could see a GP together as a couple and have him assessed. 

All the best to you