Lived Experience Forum

[HighAchiever]

Now I am going to tell you about a story that happened on the previous project. I was employed as a testing Co-ordinator on a LNG refinery project. I was working with people I know and the Project manager. After a very short time I found out through experience that the testing programme was going to fail spectaculary. Engineering had wasted so much time and effort for absolutly no gain. We were heading towards 3500 to 4000 individual tests to perform, equalling to over 90 kilometers of pipe to test, it is where we have to pressurise the pipe to test the integrity and make sure there are no leaks before we commission the plant with coal seam gas. I told my supervisors that is not going to work, it makes absolutly no logical sense. I estimated that we should only have not even 2000 tests. They had already made all the test packages (all quality documentation, drawings and information to perform the test). My direct supervisor did nothing. So I went to his manager. Showed him examples. Nothing was done. I told everyone that we are going to crash and burn in a big way. We were going to take 2 years to test this project. The schedule showed we had to be commisioned and producing LNG in both trains in 2 years ready for export for the client. Nothing. I carried on with my work and started setting things up, knowing in my own mind this is a waste of time. This is when I started to get depressed and started to show extreme anxiety. Then management wanted to start testing. My anxiety was sky high, not sleeping, worried about work, as it was pushed onto me that it was my problem, this went on for about 4 months. No one had listened to me from the start. It got so bad I went to the project manager, I told him every thing and that I needed time off. He ordered a "red team review" of the testing programme. He gave me up too 8 weeks off and approved it as I did not have much sick days owing to me. I flew home, seen my doctor who put me on  anti depressants. I calmed down and started to reflect on things. After 6 weeks I had worked out what I needed to do. I went back to work. Please bare with me with my story, I know it may seem as though it is going no where, please be patient, as it is why I believe CEO and managers need to commit in their organisations to provide mentally healthy work places.

[HighAchiever]

When I got back to work the project manager wanted me to do some stuff for him. He also told me that his daughter suffers from anxiety as well so he knows what it is like. I reassured him I am OK and that I will lead the way for him. I asked him about the testing programme, he said my supervisor did not think there was a problem. I told the project manager "you know we are building this place, and then we are going to cut it all up just to test the pipe and then put it back together+!!!!!!" we are building it twice!!!!!!!! I then had a meeting with my supervisor and his manager. I asked them if I could walk test packs down and sign them off. They said yes. (little did I know at the time, I had just made myself "reasonable adjustments"). So I moved offices to be where the action was. After my time off I had told myself, enjoy your work have fun and do a good job and lead the way, It also made me understand what needed to be done to fix the testing programme. Nothing had been done to fix the programme. My supervisor did not think there was a problem, but the managers did. I really settled in well, enjoyed my work and had fun. I developed relation ships with the trades people doing the work and other engineers supporting construction. We were starting to gel as a team and most importantly helped each other and supported each other. I then had a meeting 3 weeks later with my supervisor and his manager. I presented all that I had done, 50 plus packs handed in 10 kilometers of pipe inpected, but most importantly, showed them the problems, pointed out they are missing opportunities to save time and be more efficient. His manager just stared at my supervisor. My supervisor got moved on a month later. To cut this story short, this project was extremly successful, the testing programme got sorted out. I recieved awards. We were on world record setting pace for delivering the plant to the client, we all worked as a team and helped each other. Seven years ago when the client wanted to build a LNG plant worth billions of dollars and the company I worked for won the contract to design, build and commision the plant. They told them a date they could deliver the plant to them, we missed out on that date by 2 weeks, unheard of in the construction industry. The company made hundreds of millions of dollars. Every one was saying "I do not know how we made it, but we did". When I left this project to go to another one, the project manager, project engineering manager, and the client personally thanked me for all I had done for the projrct, to lead the way and educate, training others. The project engineer even said "I will never forget what you have done for this project". I told him it was a team effort, you need to build teams and everyone has input to the team, you just need to manage the teams and steer us in the right direction, we will do the work for you. Stay tuned for the next projrct that turned out to be toxic.

[HighAchiever]

Hi all. Sorry I have not posted my story for a while. Been going through work cover and my efforts have been focused on this. Looks as though we will be agreeing to a settlement with an admission of liability whith the insurer and employer. So now I can focus all my efforts on getting better and being an advocate for mental healthy work places.

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @HighAchiever

Thank you for sharing so far,

I am glad to hear that your efforts to receive achknowledgement and compensation for whatever happened are looking promising

happy to wait for whenever you are ready/have time to share

take care

[utopia]

@HighAchiever that is great news!! Yes, now focus on your recovery and getting as healthy as you can.

[Failed]

I'm really pleased that all turned out so well. When the opposite happens to you, as in my case, that the b.......s won and through my resulting mental illness will never be able to work again, it's hard to think anyone can actually buck the system and win, albeit at such a high cost. At least you have your self respect and validation that you were right.

I, on the other hand, am completely broken and anything new I try to find a safe niche in back in the real world that will give me some pleasure in life, always fails, so that I no longer try. I'm sure it's because of my mistrust (colleagues / friends in Qld Health department where I worked either buried their heads and leave me to fight their battle or backstabbed me because if management didn't get rid of me, they wouldn't have had trouble at their door from higher up). Going to a non-related -once again - government department failed after many years too. I was actually the last man standing and still fighting for our clients (students) rights and fair treatment while everyone else (understandably) either left, retired or took redundancy. They were smart. They knew their health would suffer but I didn't know how to use the "no" word.

They were right and still have a life. I don't. Not being able to work again, I've floundered trying to find what to do and find a place I can belong. Having my family ignore my quests and pretend nothing has happened each time I hit rock bottom and needed intervention only alienated me more from people. It's just they don't understand mental illness and run the other way if I try to educate them.

I was a strong person who people looked to for help and guidance either at work or in community groups for most of my life. I was the fixer because I could and because most didn't want to draw attention to themselves in a problem. I fought their battles. But now, I am nothing - with no sense of worth of esteem enough to try again at anything as I know it's doomed for failure because I look for disapproval and fake kindness in everyone, even family. I can't trust people again because if I look cumulatively at all the failures since that first big one, I have come to understand that the whole world can't be wrong and only me right. So it must be me.

Yes, I know this is my depression talking and therapy would challenge the logic, but I'm too tired of trying to prove differently, and as an older person, there aren't the years left to achieve again anyway.

This was my first foray into this website after seeing it advertised on the excellent ABC series "You Can't Say That" after the "Survivors of Suicide" and "Returned Active Service Men /Women including their mental health issues", the latter being on tonight (or should I say last night after seeing the time now).

So not really knowing if this will actually work by being added or even seen, doesn't really matter. I'll chalk it up to just another failure. I am thankful though I had the opportunity to not only talk again, albeit with a tiny, unheard voice, but to read @high achiever's story which made me thankful that sometimes good people like him do have not only the courage to fight on, but to eventually be able to make them accountable.

I don't expect any replies if anyone sees this. It's just been cathartic to write in a safe environment and given me a little peace so I may now go and sleep, knowing that by looking through these forums tonight that I'm not suffering alone.

[utopia]

Hi @Failed. Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you found us and that you were comfortable enough to post part of your story.
I'm also an injured worker. My workplace having disregarded my safety and putting me in danger. I've been on Workcover for over 2 & 1/2 years. Currently fighting the system to continue to receive workcover payments.
So I hear your story & I'm sorry that you too have had to suffer from toxic workplaces. There are far too many of us.
I hope that you find this forum of help to you - even if it's simply someone to hear you and understand.
I hear you.