Lived Experience Forum

[borke09]

Hiya, I am not sure if this is the right location but here it goes. 

So I've been seeing a psychologist for depression and anxiety since I left highschool, and then I've been seeing a psychiatrist for about 18 months now. I am medicated for Depression and ADHD. 

I have been on every depression medication under the sun, and I just feel like none of them has ever worked. I got a short moment of release when I first started to take ADHD medication, but now I feel like those do nothing for me either. I am at a very high dosage for both. 

Everything feels too hard, I can't even do self-care activities that I know WILL work to help me feel better. I have the zero motivation of depression and then the executive dysfunction of ADHD. I have felt so extremely low for years and years now - and I have started to give up hope that it will ever feel any different. 

All I want is some relief from the pain and a chance to become the person I long to be, and instead I find myself crying in my bed most days, staring blankly at a wall while I attempt to convince myself that it'll pass. But its been over 6 years now and it hasn't passed, it feels like it's all too much.

[Melbcoffeesnob]

Dear @borke09 
 
Firstly, welcome to the forums. I can see that your newish here? This is a safe space to share and express your feelings, struggles, and experiences without judgment. I'm glad you found us 🙂 

I can hear from your post that you have been finding things difficult lately and I am sorry to hear that you are struggling right now. 

Your first paragraph resembles my life at the moment...as I have too much on my plate right now.  

I find exercise helps, and it's the one thing I don't give in on once I start anything active that doesn't require mental effort. When it comes to doing the domestic things you have to do, I think about how much harder it will be if I let things pile up, but that's just how I see it all, and for each session of tasks I get done, I give myself some sort of reward, that I can't have or do, until I finish the job.

There are many kind folks on the forums that be here for you Borke09. I hope you are able to connect with other forum users and get support. 

Sending you many kind thoughts,

Coffeesnob xx

[Jynx]

@borke09 Hey! Welcome to the forums, glad to have you with us 😊

As a fellow ADHDer, I can absolutely relate to how much executive dysfunction impacts motivation, and the ability to keep up with all the responsibilities we have as adults in our modern world. It gets so dang exhausting! There's a reason burn out is so common for neurodiverse folks. 

So there's this psychiatrist lecturer, Dr. Russel Barkley, who has really helped me to understand my ADHD - which in turn has helped me to put things into place to better manage my day-to-day stresses. This video in particular really helped, and it has some tips in there for things that can potentially help with stuff like focusing and staying on task. Same goes for the videos from this youtube channel (and especially these videos about motivation and the "Wall of Awful" - part 1 and part 2).

As for your medication, perhaps you could talk to your psychiatrist about taking 'break days' from your ADHD meds? This is what my psych recommended, to help prevent building up a tolerance. It would depend on your meds so definitely one to seek advice from your psych about first (also PS, part of our guidelines is that members don't discuss medication names or dosages, which is another reason to seek medical advice first before making that decision). 

Another thing I've learned is that one of the BEST things for ADHD/dopamine regulation is regular exercise. I know how hard it can be to initiate exercise and self-care at times, but getting started is always the hardest part for me, but once I'm out there doing it, it's so much easier, and really does help my energy levels.

I hope there's something in here that is useful to you! And please feel free to come join us over at the ADHD thread - we got memes, useful tips and info, and a space to discuss our unique struggles amongst like-minded people.

Glad to have you with us 😁

[NatureLover]

Welcome, @borke09 , I really feel for you...I have Major Depression and 15 years ago I spent 3 years in bed with it. I was not able to exercise, not even able to get up most days. (I am much better now)

I don't know anything about ADHD, but you have my empathy for the depression 🫂

I know there are treatments for treatment-resistant depression, like TMS and ECT...has any of your professional team ever mentioned them? 

[borke09]

thank you @Melbcoffeesnob xx

i do need to get myself back into going for walks daily, I used to be really good at it but I am struggling - but I know they do wonders for me. I’ll start of with small ones and try to not push myself too hard. 

borke xx

[borke09]

Omg I entirely didn’t realise about the guidelines, thank you for letting me know! Good thing I was vague aha

Thank you so much for these resources!! I’ll watch some on the tram this morning 💛

thank you @Jynx xx 

[borke09]

Hi @NatureLover ! I have heard those terms thrown around before, which is why I initially went to a Psychiatrist. That’s when I got diagnosed with ADHD and we realised the cause of my depression was probably coming from undiagnosed neurodivergence. But now I am worried again that it still might be treatment resistant. 

Thank you for sharing and your comfort 

borke x 

[Aussiealways]

Depression is horrible I suffer from it too. I have found socialising like once I started a social group helps it to lift. Also have to do things you enjoy.

Once I went to rent a room and after talking with the lady who owned the house my bout of depression that time lifted. I must have had a connection with her.

I have moved to Gold Coast now & swim in the ocean that helps. But haven’t found friends yet that I click with socially out & about. I did have a neighbour I became friends with but she has moved away now. Also volunteered at a Lifeline OpShop & loved it there felt I’d found my Tribe with the staff but that has now closed down & don’t see those ladies anymore. 
Maybe volunteering would help you.

No it is definitely not just antidepressants that are going to get you well. I can summarise that it is socialisation & fulfilment with those things you enjoy doing.

[tyme]

Thank you for sharing @Aussiealways . It sure sounds like a journey and a half!

[Melbcoffeesnob]

Hey @borke09 

Checking in and giving a friend hello! How are you feeling today?

The weather here is beautiful in Melbourne today, went for a few walks myself with my doggo. 

Have you managed to get out on a walk since we last spoke? Its good for the soul I hear xx

Thinking of you.