Lived Experience Forum

[Messylife]

So my son is finishing high school and doing his exams. He used to be such a good kid and very smart, but this last year he dropped the ball. Has a steady girlfriend in another town, they talk all night on the phone and play computer games. They want to go to university next year but....the school work has not been getting done and he failed a lot of subjects by not even submitting his assessment. He has done no study for his exams and told me tonight he will 'wing it'.

I study too. I know it is stressful. I am always open to helping him or finding him someone to help but he doesn't want me to help. 

I left him to it. 

Feeling like there is nothing I can do to assist. I am basically an ATM. He has zero respect for anything I do. 

I had 2 recent exams and nobody even asked me how I went. I was stressed but I tried my best and it in the time. He isn't trying at all and freely admits that. Says he has other options

I have 2 other teens who I feel are not even my kids. They don't try at all and have no interests. They have no respect, and I feel like there is nothing I can do to change that. 

I have a great fear that I will not be able to support them as adults and they will struggle through life with their bad attitudes. I see their friends, who I thought were 'no hopers' and a bad influence on my kids do so much better in life as they have grown, yet my kids are in reverse. 

They don't eat, don't work, don't clean up or help around the house. I try to make them do a chore each, but they never do them on their own. 

I'm tired of the state of affairs here. 

I am embarrassed to have people over. 

I'm tired of bad relationships and having no power in my own life. 

No one tells you when your kids turn 10 they do what they want. They are completely selfish.

I don't think they have good influences in their lives. It makes me feel responsible and a failure as a parent. 

Their rubbish school has not helped at all. 

Where are all the good mentors these days, obviously I'm not one. 😪

Sorry for venting

[Blackbird11]

Hey @Messylife 

Sounds really hard for you at the moment, thanks for sharing. Make sure you look after you first, you can't help others when you're running on empty. Here is some information on self-care... Engaging in your own self-care (sane.org) 

I don't think their attitude is a reflection on you, there are a lot of factors in the way one conducts themselves. I'm sure you are doing the best you can with what you have and that is all that's required from you.

A forum tip is if you press the @ function a list of names will appear and you can choose who you would like to tag. they will then get a notification. Not sure if you know this, so just thought I'd mention it.