Lived Experience Forum

[Lilikoi]

Hi there, 

A month ago on a holiday trip, I decided to use cannabis again, my drug-induced psychosis had then relapsed. I was experiencing sudden alarming imagery of a demon-like figure. It was like I was going through stages of life and the demonic figure was trying to unalive me, take my heart. 

Since then I've been to 2 hospitals (I had another psychotic episode in the hospital) and a mental ward, and my psychosis symptoms have since stopped. The only issue I have is right now, when I sleep I get scared from sleeping in the dark because I fear this demonic figure may creep up on me, and my thoughts wander and I fear I regain my deluded thinking.

The only thing keeping me grounded from that is to challenge those thoughts by reminding myself it was the weed, it was the weed. I'm also catholic and praying seems to vanish these bad thoughts away too. 

I have a hard time believing that it's just the weed causing this mess but also inclined to believe that it is evil in my experience. Just posting my experience because I feel like I'm left in the dark with no near psychiatric help for another 2 months. I do feel like I'm progressing with my meds but how do I move forward and live everyday life, with no worries anymore?

*My first drug-induced psychosis was in 2016 and I was able to recover from it effectively with antipsychotics experienced the same devilish environment but not a figure

[Peregrinefalcon]

Hey @Lilikoi, welcome to the Forums!

It is such a tough time you are describing. It is no doubt incredibly frightening to sit with. What you are doing by challenging the thoughts is really great. 

It sounds like you have a really good sense of what your 'warning signs' are and knowing these is amazing insight to have. Having someone to talk about it too - whether it be a professional or someone you trust - can be great too. It can be so hard to manage alone.

I hope the community here can be a safe and supportive space to share what you are going through 💛

[Kyle1]

@Lilikoi 

Maybe the weed...

Maybe still, whatever the weed was laced with...

They do all sorts of things to it these days. You can't rely on the assumption that you're getting just plain old garden variety herb any more... 

Get well soon!

[Aggie]

@Lilikoi I’m so sorry you’re going through this is so scary and very traumatising I have experienced this what you’re describing sounds similar to what I was experiencing after my episode Anthony was PTSD it’s one of the most traumatic things anybody can go through to have your body and mind completely out of your control it is so scary so be kind to yourself and know that your nervous system is a little bit shaken and I found looking at ways to come nervous system  and speaking to a psychologist really helped me  I found I didn’t get much help in the mental health system and I really feel they need to take it more seriously I hope you get better I do know how scary it is you’re not alone x

[tyme]

Thank you for sharing @Aggie . We really appreciate it.

[Aggie]

@Kyle1 it could be laced and I heard something about the THC levels in particular sex of the plant really remember off the top my head at the moment but I also read a report on psychosis from cannabis after being on psychiatric medication that was very interesting

[Lilikoi]

Thank you so much for the warm welcome 🙂

[Lilikoi]

It was most likely laced, it was gummy and it didn't feel like any of the normal.

My first psychosis was also caused by a mix as well.

Thank you 🙂

[Lilikoi]

Thank you for sharing! it really indeed is terrifying. It's hard to remember what peace of mind feels like.

Your recovery gives me hope! i just have to patiently wait til my appointment comes 🙂