Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

What can I do when I am being forced into suicide? Yes I know sounds stupid, but it's true. I have been under attack that has progressively got worse & slowly included more people as more of my private information was released & used against me. This person has already had me suicidal twice while in her employment. I have now had police video me naked, push me around trespass into my home after I was taken away for a bogus mental health check to be told I was tired & stressed. The 4 police (2 extras were called as back up when I told them I had a fear of men) police listened into this mental health consultation without my knowledge. Investigation, says yes this tiny bit we looked into happened, but you were angry, make excuses cause you don't mater. All from this one employer it's gone this far, I've been hit with a car had my camera stolen & smashed, run off the road & when I tried to report it the police questioned why I was out of my house & refused to investigate. I have VROs but police won't enforce them. But I'm not allowed to play music. I have hassled the commissioner to get some protection & to get his police under control. Thanks to the police videoing me my ptsd has returned with a vengeance & my depression is uncontrollable & I've been charged with trespass. I have a number of medical issues I need to have looked at but after this police invasion theres no way thats going to happen. I can't have any intusion to my body. I'd rather let it rot & put up with the pain. I've tried legal aid but she refused to help me because I was unable to sit with the smokers. Was not objecting to the smokers, just what they would need before court. I just have a chest that doesn't cope with it so I was sent into court with representation. Needless to say now the judge is off side. The boss & her sons are still harassing me, & getting worse each time the get away with their torment. I am sick of being told no one wants me around here, or the whole town hates me I would be better off without me. I love my husband so very much & these people are even trying to get him in trouble with his boss & phone & threaten him. They have cost me my relationship with my two eldest boys by contacting them to convince them I needed to be institutionalized as I was mentally insane. This also cost me my relationship with two of my grandchildren. I was actually sacked when my mother died, I didn't get a call to make the dash to say good bye, her funeral & viewing was canceled when we arrived. I was told I was feeling sorry for myself. From the day I was sack, x boss  has had no contact with me at all. I still do not know officially why I was sacked & 8 months later I'm still without a separation certificate. This upstanding citizen the police are so intend on protecting was found guilty of 4 wage law breaches against me. I only worked for her to help her out after she lost her husband. But now I see no choice than to just give her what she wants, then she will leave my family alone. Anyone have a better idea? I'm exhausted I've had enough, I'm sick of being in pain & needing to sort my own life issue but this woman & now the police won't let me. I'm too tired. I promised my husband I'd give him Easter, but come Tuesday I'm done. I've had a therapist from the time I lost my job & she has been great, but I can talk until I'm blue in the face. With no one putting a stop to this the talk is pointless. My therapy was suppose to be to help me with the loss of my Mum. We haven't had a chance to talk about her. Just because I have depression I am a freak.

[NatureLover]

Welcome, @Former-Member , I'm sorry you have been through so much and feel so hopeless 😞 I'm also sorry for your loss of your mum. 

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@Former-Member wrote:

 Anyone have a better idea?

I want to make the point that no-one can force you into suicide - that's 100% your decision. However, there are better options...for instance, can you tell your therapist you feel suicidal? Maybe print out your post above and give it to them to read? And ask for an urgent appointment?

You can also call Griefline on 1300-845-745, and Lifeline on 13-11-14 (they also have text chat). 

Also SANE offers 2 services, the Drop-In Service (phone or text chat)  and the Guided Service . Both offer free counselling and mental health support.

I have been suicidal most of my life, including 3 attempts when I was young, but getting referred to good therapy and stronger meds has given me a lot of healing and I haven't been suicidal for 14 years now (I'm 51). So there is hope out there, @Former-Member .

An important forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.
 
I hope you find the forums supportive...

[Historylover]

@Former-Member, after reading your post, I don't know what to say. It is obvious that you are overwhelmed by the injustices being meted out to you. It sounds like you feel you can't move forward or back, and that everyone and everything is against you. 

I can't give you advice, @Former-Member. You will just have to tackle these problems one by one as you are able.

I am so very sorry that these inadequate words are all I have to offer. I hope others will be along soon and they may be able to offer more appropriate consolation. 

[Former-Member]

Thank you all for your support, I truly have tried. I've talked until I can talk no more. These people will not stop. I have told my husband the weekend, that's my limit. I'm more than done. I'm holding on because he is home for Easter, but I'm finished. Bullied out of life. I need these people stopped & they won't until I'm dead. Some very twisted ways of bullying in this world & depressed people are a good target.

[Historylover]

Same here, @Former-Member. I've been fighting suicidality for approaching 3 years, with similar bullying, unwarranted and misplaced hatred, and wishing me dead. And it is so tough when it comes from people who are supposed to love and protect me. The betrayals are worst. They have blamed me for everything, blamed me for things I haven't done, put all of their problems in my canoe, punched a hole in the bottom and set me adrift. I keep going by ticking things off my imaginary bucket list. There has always been something else I want to do before I go, so I just keep ticking them off, one by one, and putting one foot in front of the other. We only have one life, as far as I know, and I'm just trying to make the most of mine. Do you have things you'd love to do, @Former-Member?

[Former-Member]

Sorry LouLouMagoo 

, wasn’t looking for counseling or crisis service I asked for advice. Sorry I thought this was the place to ask for help didn’t think I would be so misunderstood here too. Was desperate for an answer. I'm calm, non suicidal. But without some help left without a choice. Why email me, just post here then others know when they have messed up. Sorry, just don't get anything right. Again I asked for help & was in the wrong. Is there really no where that will help me & others in situations like mine? Bullies are (word not allowed) us, but because we have mental issues it's written off as suicide when in fact I am fighting for my life, but theirs no one to stand up for the depressed. I got a message 7 months ago to tell me about my murder, but people think it's funny. It's not murder if I (word not allowed) myself, but what if I'm pushed off a ledge?

[Zahlia]

Hi @Former-Member 

Sorry there may be a confusion of communication, absolutely you can ask these questions, and hopefully you find the support you are looking for 🙂 

At SANE we have a duty of care to check in on members and provide them with crisis numbers if we get any sense they *may* by unsafe. I think by you saying that after this weekend you are 'done' and are holding on because he is home for Easter. We have guidelines and regulations that we email members in case they need any privacy in communication, and I promise its not a mess up on your part at all, you aren't in the wrong 💜

We are here to support you, on your side

Take care,

Zahlia 

[Historylover]

Your situation is very like mine, @Former-Member, but we are in different circumstances. You sound a very competent person so I'm sure you've tried everything. I don't know how we can help. I just don't know what to say. I don't know what I would do in your particular situation. You are clearly at your wit's end, and that's just what they want. I could say put as much distance between them and yourself as possible, but I'm sure you've done that. Your only other option is to develop a protective shield mentally and pretend they are not there, imagine that they are not affecting you until it becomes more and more real.  Learn how to keep your cool under the most severe pressure. 

I tried everything. I had to move out of my particular situation. The more I tolerated, the more they tried to break me. They destroyed my health and my life, but they have damaged their own lives too.

For me, the more I stood up for myself and coped with their abuse the more they piled onto me. In the end I just had to move out of the situation completely. 

I don't know what else to say, @Former-Member. Just stay strong. You must be very threatening to them (their own sense of importance) for them to want to do you so much harm. Take comfort in that.