Lived Experience Forum

[storyofmylife]

I am in a casual relationship with a guy. This involves us occasionally meeting and having sex. After we finish our first round of sex, he stays on his phone for the rest of the time; he shows more interest in cricket and in the latest bollywood film. Last time when we met, he showed me pictures of his nephew on his phone.

When we are not meeting, he doesn’t really talk on text messages and does not call at all. I do not message or call him that often as I don’t want to be irritating. He hasn’t even taken me out on a proper date.

If we always maintain this distance then how can we be more close and develop better understanding?

[tyme]

Hey @storyofmylife ,

It sounds like you have strong feelings for him, and you are not feeling that this is reciprocated? It must be a hard place to be in.

I'm curious to know if you have ever spoken to him about what he is looking for from the relationship? Is he wanting a long term relationship, or it is just company here and there?

It's good to be on the same page and have the same understanding about what you are looking for out of a relationship.

Communication is key.

What do you think?

[storyofmylife]

He just wants a casual relationship with no strings attached. He only wants sexual satisfaction at night. 

[tyme]

Do you think there is a different understanding on your side about the relationship? Am I right in saying that you want more than a casual  relationship, whereas this is where he is at for now?

Would you consider having a conversation with him about your needs?

I also wanted to say that you have been very brave in reaching out. I can see how much this is on your mind. It takes a lot of strength to be able to reach out.

[storyofmylife]

He doesn’t want any commitment. His bday party was at his house in October this year and he didn’t even invite me. When we are together, we hardly even talk about anything. 

How can I make our relationship more engaging?

[tyme]

I'm so sorry to hear that you were not invited @storyofmylife . This must hurt a lot.

It sounds like you are doing what you can to make it work, but the other side has a different idea.

Relationships take commitment from both. It's give an take. One-sided 'relationships' mean one side will eventually burn out. It may mean you will live your life trying to make the relationship engaging in order to win him, while he himself is happy to just see you when he needs you.

I'd encourage you to have a chat to him.

[storyofmylife]

Whenever I am about to attend cruise parties, I invite him to come and attend as well but he never does even though the first time we met was at a cruise party. I just want him to not lose interest.

[Captain24]

Hey @storyofmylife 

Sorry to jump in… 

I have been in a sort of similar relationship (if that’s what you can call it). It was all well and good in the moment but then he would just go home.

We did get a long really well. In the end though, it was me that got hurt. He wouldnt come to anything that I invited him too.

Then I saw on Facebook that he was in a relationship. It was the first relationship that he had that he never met up with me during. So I guess for him that shows how much he values this relationship. It just left me hanging with no explanation or anything. This was a few years ago but if he rang me tomorrow, I’d go straight back into it. 

I know none of this helps you right now but I just wanted to share my story with you as your story resonated with me. I haven’t actually shared this story with anyone on here, so I guess anyone that reads it now knows a little more about my other side! Lol

[storyofmylife]

It’s been 2 weeks since we last met. Should I call him like right now?

[Captain24]

I can’t answer that for you @tyme It’s only a decision you can make. Just think about it first

In my experience it wasn’t me that called. It was always him saying he was coming to town. I was silly enough to drop everything and be available for him. I’m also silly enough that I would still do it.