Lived Experience Forum

[june23]

Hello everyone 👋 I hope it's okay if I post my thoughts and musings here as a kind of diary. But anybody is more than welcome to comment here if they want!

I was in hospital last year with psychosis and I have a background of depression and anxiety. So, I am trying to recover from my hospitalization while dealing with these conditions, and with the ups and downs of life as well of course.

My first 'update' is that I had a job interview today. It was for a job that I applied for before my mental health 'team' (so to say) advised me to slow down on the job search and focus on my well-being and personal recovery for a few months. I decided to go through with the interview anyway for some experience and also because part of me still really wants the job. I find it hard to accept that I shouldn't be looking for a job. A lot of negative thoughts crop up about it - how will this gap look to future employers? What if this job was the perfect job for me and I'll never find another one? How will people judge me for being unemployed? Will money from centrelink be enough?

As for the interview, it went better than expected! So, it was a success in terms of a behaviour experiment (has anybody tried those for their anxiety?). However, they asked me to give two referees. I know this is standard for applying for jobs but I can only think of one person who would be suitable. I feel like such a loser for not having more experience and so anxious because I don't want to contact people who barely remember me and might reject the request. Even the thought of asking the one person who knows me well enough makes me anxious. It's so hard not to beat myself up for struggling with this stuff, but I'm trying to be kind to myself.

[hanami]

Hi there @june23 

Hello! It's absolutely okay to post your thoughts and musings here. This forum is a supportive space, and sharing your experiences can be helpful for both yourself and others who may relate or offer support.

Recovering from a hospitalisation and managing depression and anxiety can be challenging, but it's commendable that you're actively working towards your well-being and personal recovery. 

Congratulations on your job interview! It's great that you decided to go through with it, even if your mental health team advised you to focus on your personal recovery. Sometimes, gaining experience and challenging ourselves can be beneficial, as long as we maintain a healthy balance. It's understandable to have concerns and negative thoughts about the job search process and the implications of unemployment. Try to remind yourself that taking time for your well-being is a valid and necessary choice.

Regarding the request for referees, having one suitable person in mind is a good start. Employers understand that people have different experiences and may have limited references. Perhaps, if you feel comfortable, reach out and explain the situation. It's natural to feel anxious about reaching out to potential referees, but try to remember that they would likely be happy to help and support you. Reaching out to someone who knows you well can be a great option.

It's important to be kind to yourself throughout this process. Dealing with these challenges takes courage and strength. It's normal to struggle at times, and beating yourself up will only add unnecessary pressure. Celebrate your successes, like the positive experience during the interview, and acknowledge your efforts in moving forward.

This community is here to support you so keep reaching out and update us! 

Warmest wishes

Hanami

[june23]

Hi @hanami Thank you so much for your supportive reply!

I think the thing with the referees is just one of those situations that can be overcome but with anxiety it feels like a massive road block. You are right though, it will be okay.

[hanami]

oh @june23 I feel for you! I have anxiety also - had it for years. It is a MASSIVE roadblock. I try super hard to push myself, calm myself, etc. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much! 

x

[june23]

I feel the same way @hanami, sometimes I'm powering through with things and other times the anxiety gets the better of me.

[tyme]

Hey @june23 ,

I just wanted to chime in an say hello. But to also say that your profile pic of the elephant calf is adorable!

You like elephants? I think they are amazing creatures.

[june23]

Hello @tyme! Isn't it a cute picture? I think elephants are amazing too. I liked it as a profile picture because I see elephants as very wise creatures but maybe a baby elephant is more like me and working their way to wisdom.

[tyme]

I've watched so many documentaries about elephants' connection with humans. @june23 It's incredible. Horses too.

[june23]

Horses are amazing as well, @tyme! I think connection with animals can be very good for mental health.

[june23]

Sometimes I feel like something's wrong with me for worrying so much about 'normal' situations, so hopefully writing it out like this will help me get it off my chest and maybe somebody can relate too.

I feel like getting this job would give me such a sense of purpose and achievement, which is good for my mental health. But at the same time, I'm meant to be focusing on my mental health and not looking for jobs or taking on stress (which this job would definitely bring).

I think if I get an offer I am now leaning towards rejecting it. Or maybe I should just withdraw my application and save myself from potential rejection. It's sad though because I felt like this job was perfect for me and that I won't get another opportunity like it. I have to make a decision soon because if I'm going through with the application I need to contact referees.