Lived Experience Forum

[Kyle1]

Another Spring day has arrived. How wonderful!

Now can the rest of the world just fork off!

Stop shaking my windows. Stop darkening my door. Stop slithering and hissing through my phone. 

GO AWAY, SELFISH ARSEHOLES!

In the name of the father, the son, and holy ghost 😇

(I'm not even catholic...)

[Snowie]

Hi @Kyle1 

Sounds like a lot of things are coming up for you at the moment.

Am around for a bit if you need to chat.

[Kyle1]

thank you for that, @Snowie 🙏

I awoke and remembered I had two appointments this morning. One with gp, and one with counsellor.

Lovely people, both...but my instant reaction was severe anxiety at seeing anybody or leaving the house...

Then I was chatting friendsome on my phone which quickly turned to being harassed for gifts of money!.. wtf?

Well, inspite of nerves, I kept my appointments this morning.

I am still annoyed and frustrated with narcs everywhere I turn. And now just flat out tired once again!

I just needed to let, I suppose. 

Warm thoughts your way, @Snowie 

[Snowie]

Hi @Kyle1 

I can relate to your anxiety about leaving the house, especially when we have appointments to go to. I hate leaving my house too, it can be such a huge anxiety booster.

Well done on going to both appointments, I recognise how much of a challenge this can be.

I'm sorry that happened with your friends, sometimes people don't know when to stop!

If it helps, let it all out.

Snowie

[Blackbird11]

Hey @Kyle1 

I hear you when you say you're tired. I get so overwhelmed and tired after leaving home and making it to a couple of appointments. I expend a lot of emotional energy being social and I need great times of self-care to balance back out. You have done so well getting out to those appointments, maybe take some time to do something you enjoy. Not nice to have friends request such things, protect yourself and advocate for your needs too.

[Appleblossom]

Your opening post makes sense when being extra vulnerable and dealing with that phone call. @Kyle1 

Letting it out ... can also be so tricky ...  to find a way to be real  !?!

I learned a long time of the THEORY the importance of anger as a life saver ... still not an easy one tho.  A natural response when taken advantage of.

[Kyle1]

I'm troubled again today @Snowie 

I need to open email.

I need to open text messages.

I need to keep an appointment today (but don't know when it is, unless I open messages)

But I'm afraid. ... 

I don't understand this darned anxiety yet. 😢. Only that it's beating me up...

How do I manage to do these very basic things this morning inspite of my crippling illness? 

[Snowie]

Sorry to hear things are hard again today @Kyle1 

Anxiety can be so crippling for us and also very scary at the same time.

Can you just concentrate on doing one tasks at a time. Don't look ahead, just focus on that one thing. I find it helps me if I have things I need to do written down too. That way I can tick them of as I go along.

Sitting in this space next to you.

[Kyle1]

I found a really good support worker last week who could do this for me...and tell me just what I need to do without exposing myself to other triggers...

But can't afford their help...

It feels like if I'm not shaking and weeping, I have to go into berzerker scream mode just to press a silly touch screen and open a mail box @Snowie as though it were a fiery gauntlet...

[Snowie]

It sucks that money plays a role in getting help @Kyle1 It shouldn't be that way.

One step at a time..... 

Go gentle on yourself, anxiety is hard to deal with.