Lived Experience Forum

[tyme]

Hey there @Fawkes ,

Are you okay? How are you going?

[Fawkes]

Nope. Finally fallen off the wagon. It’s like a switch in my head has flipped. One day desperate and pathetic begging for help, and today I get to move on. I know my problem behaviour is destructive it will eventually catch up with me. For now, it is such a welcome relief, to at least have the illusion of control. 

“Fawkes is a Phoenix, Harry. Phoenixes burst into flame when it is time for them to die and are reborn from the ashes”

[MissMuffet]

Hi @Fawkes 

Firstly, don't apologise for the rant. That's what we're here for!

I think that you need to take a step back from the irrational brain saying that you are "a vile worthless excuse for a human being". None of this is your fault. Personally, I think the rules around the ADHD meds are ridiculous. In no way does the process help patients AT ALL. I take an ADHD medication for a different condition, but I too have experienced subpar treatment (I mean, we're still human!) purely because of the name of the drug. I'm not proud of it, but I yelled at the pharmacist for doing their job, when it was the doctor's fault that the criteria for dispensing the script wasn't met. I get it, we can try and do all the right things but at the end of the day it's the system that fails us.

I know you have just moved so getting into a GP is really hard, but I think you could benefit finding a GP who is going to have your back. Maybe try searching on that has special interest in complex or chronic issues and of course, mental health. Ideally go to a practice where you get to see the same one every time.

But yeah, it's so messed up that we can easily buy substances that have the ability to mess up our mental health but it's so hard to get the things that help us. 

As for the irrational and rational brain... one is logic and the other is emotions I think! So they both need to be listened to but that can be super hard when you don't have your correct meds and are going through a tough time. Give yourself some grace and be a little compassionate towards the irrational and hopefully they can come to an agreement...

[Fawkes]

Oh @MissMuffet thank you for such kind, understanding and compassionate words. I have decided to remove myself from posting as I’m in an ugly place, however I really wanted to let you know how much your kind words meant to me.