Lived Experience Forum

[Jlol]

There is a lot of tension in our relationship at the moment. Some of my psychologists have said she is emotionally abusive.

Recently, something else has been happening. If I, say, move my arm when I'm sitting next to her on the couch and accidentally brush against her she will say that I hit her and react as though she is in pain.

Of course I apologise straight away, but I felt the need to clarify that I did not intentionally hit her. I feel there's a big difference between accidentally running into or brushing up against someone, and "hitting" someone.

This occured recently again when we were having a hug and I ran my fingers through her hair and they got caught on a knot, tugging her hair slightly. She pulled back and said that I was pulling her hair. She then grabbed my own hair in her fist and violently tugged it down. Again I apologised, but felt the need to clarify that I did not intentionally grab and pull her hair like she had just done to me. Again, big difference between accidentally getting your fingers caught in a knot of hair, and grabbing a fist full of it and pulling.

Each time I've said that I did not intentionally "hit" her or "pull" her hair she's gotten extremely angry and has demanded I just apologise for it without clarifying.

I am actually worried that, if we were to break up, she would start making claims that I intentionally hurt her or embellishing what happened.

Is there anything I can do to ensure my safety if this were to happen?

[hanami]

Hey @Jlol 

This does not sound good at all. It sounds like a classic example of gaslighting. She's trying to sow self-doubt and confusion in your mind about what is really happening. Would you agree with that? It saddens me greatly that the person who is meant to love and care for you is doing this to you. And from your other posts I can hear that it's really starting to wreak havoc on your mental health. I fear it will become worse.

I understand it's not as easy as leaving this relationship. But is there anyone close to you (a friend or family member) you can turn to for support on this. Such as maybe you can go and stay with someone for a few days to give you better perspective on the future of your relationship.

Do you think about what the 'ideal' scenario would be for you? Would you like her to change (or at least try to), or do you think you would like to see yourself find the strength to leave her?

I feel like you are such a good, genuine person who is being taken for granted and likely emotionally abused. I hope you can find some answers soon and solutions as to what next steps to take.

Warmest wishes

Hanami