Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Can I just start with most people are good, in terms that they leave you alone Togo about your business. While I feel there is still such a strong stigma around mental health. I’ve noticed that it’s just based on assumptions people will lash out, cause you don’t fit the “norm” they want their own insecurities to try and bring you down, there’s a war going on out there and if you have a disability you are vulnerable to peoples games, anyway that’s what I’ve noticed, would like to hear other peoples opinions and stories and what helps them cope with everyday life? I’m still clinging on to brighter days….I’m hoping  

[tyme]

You've raised a very important question in regards to where people are on their MH journey. 

Looking back at my journey, when I was most vulnerable, I did lash out. I wanted to be left alone. I didn't feel normal (and still don't but am happy about that). So, i think I sort of added to the stigma around MH.

So yes... I've had a very unique journey indeed.

How did I cope? At my worst, I was gently pushed along my the MH system (thank God!). It was the system that carried me through because for some reason, I drew the short straw, and landed with an exceptionally good treating team. My journey is a bit of a haze now, since I'm in the recovery/recovered phase. 

All I know is that my MH journey was one I wanted to do without family or friend intervention - despite its benefits. Ultimately, I had to do all the hard work.

Does that answer a little of what you are asking? My apologies if this is not what you were expecting.

tyme

[wellwellwellnez]

We love in pretty lonely times. It's hard for us to create communal acceptance on an industrial scale. Except maybe at a really good concert or something. I was researching juggalos a while ago. For scary clowns, they make for inclusive and lovely people.

[Former-Member]

@tyme Good to hear you’re at the recovered stage, I still have some way, but managing things best I can.

Nah just wanted to hear some stories of recovery and where people were on their journey.

there’s no right answer lol. Thanks for making me feel like I’m part of the community 

[Former-Member]

@wellwellwellnez Im still exploring to see where if it in lol, not a juggalo though, enough said - though there probably nice people once you get to know them

[tyme]

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@Former-Member wrote:

Thanks for making me feel like I’m part of the community 

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No @Former-Member , Thanks for accepting me to be part of this community!

[NatureLover]

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@Former-Member wrote:

Nah just wanted to hear some stories of recovery and where people were on their journey.

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I live with 6 MIs (mental illnesses) and it's strange, I've kind of adjusted to living with them... Some of then clash with each other, like my Hoarding Disorder and the Germophobia (OCD). So stuff piles up in the house waiting to be disinfected when I can cope with it. The depression is the worst, and makes everything so difficult to cope with. But when I consider how often I've been suicidal in my life, it's amazing now - I haven't been suicidal for 13 years now.

I've got a lot of healing from the childhood trauma and abuse through years of therapy. I spent 3 years in bed 13 years ago with a nervous breakdown and severe SI (suicidal ideation). At the end of those 3 years, a change of medication to something stronger saved my life, and I found the first of my two excellent therapists. Along the way I also had my trusted GP of 30 years, who also saved my life many times. 

The therapy has also enabled me to do a lot of work on my Hoarding Disorder, to a point where the house is functional (although it looks cluttered to a normal person). It also got rid of my terrible anger at the abuse, by talking it all through over years and getting validated. 

So these days I'm functional (apart from when the bad depression hits) and can enjoy life, despite all my problems caused by the 6 MIs and also my chronic physical illnesses.

[Former-Member]

Damn @NatureLover you’ve come a long way and glad you’re enjoying life… 

[MDT]

Hey forumites. This is a good thread @Former-Member 

I agree with you that the stigma is usually based on assumptions and maybe even bad experiences that people have had with those who are mentally ill. It is unfortunate to say the least. 

@tyme  I can relate to some of that about the journey being done independently. I had familial support but in the end they did not try to tell me what to do and it was up to me to figure it out - because most of depression and anxiety came from not knowing what I wanted in life and where i was going in life either. I would sometimes get jealous of people my age who had mental health issues but were in relationships as well as this was sensitive topic for me for many years. Like so much of my journey, it has been about trying to ascertain why certain core beliefs exist, why I struggle with certain things etc. 

Thank you for sharing 

@wellwellwellnez agreed - it is very hard to create communal acceptance on an industrial scale. Your comment about juggalos reminded me of metal music and bands in that genre. Disturbed are an example. I saw a clip of one of their concerts and the song was "Hold on to Memories". It is about losing those you love. There was a couple there with a baby shirt and they held it up and began to cry. I was touched at this sign. There was that sense of communal acceptance. Or similar to when someone is horrifically murdered and the community comes out at a vigil. It is most unfortunate that such occassions only occur when something tragic happens. For some time now I have been trying to inject genuine connection and communication into the world. I am finding it very very hard and even exhausting. Last Saturday I was out and started to talk to anyone and everyone and for it was a remarkably different experience to anything I had before and I am still processing it. 

@NatureLover  that is a hell of a journey isn't it? Your comment about depressoin is very true. I have been coming to the realisation lately that although I was risk averse and didn't have the typical 20s experiences that people have, I have realised that I was depressed for a significant amount of time. From about the age of 18 to now I have been dealing with it and it hurts to think that my youth was gone - but I must also remember to contextualise the situation. Absent that, it is no more than an abyss of pain and regret. But by remembering, even recalling how bad I got at times I have come some way. For example, I forgot to go to the dentist for 6 years. Initially I was shocked at that, but then I realised I was depressed and when you are depressed you simply do not care. I always found it hard to explain because people would assume on paper that I must have it good for whatever reason (use one's imagination for that). "why are you depressed?" is probably the worst question to ask anyone who actually is. Also about medication, I have had that experience too. A change in meds also saved me. Strange isn't it? and also a good therapist is remarkably helpful in terms of getting better. Being functional AND enjoying life is an interesting dichotomy. I am yet to engage with it fully. But thank you for your throughts too @NatureLover

I guess after 10 years I have moved through stages. Both good and bad. I used to share my journey with people as part of a charity role I had. I didn't mind it but I knew I could not do it for my life work. I wanted to go elsewhere and pursue things I cared about - or at least what I thought I cared about. 

Now I think I am in the recovery stage, or the stage after journey? I don't know how to put it exactly. I have been fortunate enough in my life to have things provided. I have never had to grind away at things until my first proper job at the age of about 25 or so. I felt this was a good lesson for me, but I do believe it impacted me negatively, but I stayed there out of a sense of guilt. If I Wasn't doing anything else then I'd feel bad. I realised that dating was something I needed more experience in, only to realise how vaccuous it can be if you don't like yourself to begin with. I've carried so much baggage over the years and to be honest I think quitting my job was a good decision to give me some time to unpack all this stuff from childhood right through to what I did yesterday. I have to struggle through this because I genuinely know (or feel I'm unsure which) that there is an answer and a light at the end. Yes I feel more depressed and clueless about life and the sense of time ending is not nice - but I need to eliminate mortality from my thinking. 

I feel I have written an essay so I  apologise. But perhaps coming off my meds has this effect (Lol)? 

I'll leave you this quote:

"We think more than we can say
we feel more than think

we live more than we can feel

and there is much else besides.."

[NatureLover]

Thanks for your comments @Former-Member  and @MDT .

I'm glad that a change in medication saved you also @MDT .