Just checking in.

[CheerBear]

Last night went so well I went to bed dreaming of a lala life I know isn't reality. I then had a really long morning at the doctors this morning. Now I'm back to completely stuck. I can't do it so I think I need to wait just a bit longer maybe.

I dont want to put this on you or anyone here @Teej. I know there isn't much anyone can say to help. I think my crazy switch has been flicked today, but maybe it is just a bad day. Hopefully that is all it is.

[Teej]

What! You have a crazy switch too @CheerBear 😜. On a serious note I think perhaps it’s ok to keep flipping too. I think in all honesty I would. Don’t forget your hormones are having a huge laugh just now and causing havoc. I’m also guessing that the doctors appointment make it more real in a way, could be wrong with that one too. 

Maybe its its best to just say I’m having a crappy day and I’m going to put it away and self care.....and not let teej drag me in to thinking about it more 😘

[Teej]

PS @CheerBear am around if you do need to get stuff out. I can put my listening ears on 👂 

[CheerBear]

You made me laugh @Teej thank you. I definitely have a crazy switch. It hasn't been turned on quite like this for a while so this is a whole world of fun. And yep hormones. Them and me don't work well at the best of times. Again, total world of winning and awesome right now 😏

Between the scan pics from yesterday and the medication that I now have as of today, I am holding two potentially very different lives for me in my hands. Someone suggested I stop and wait just a bit, even if I feel like I'm under extraordinary pressure to make a decision right now. While it wouldn't be ideal, I do have time. My GP called my psych today, which is something I tried to do in a "nothing major" half way. I think it will be worth holding out for a talk with him too.

Thank you for the listening ears (and eyes).

[Teej]

That’s awesome to get to talk to your psych @CheerBear. I think it seems really sensible just now. I know it will will never be a 'right time' but I’m confident you’ll find a better time when it feels a little bit more right (or change of decision should you go down that path too). 

I happened to hear something yesterday that kind of sat ok with me. Not sure that this is the right time to share it though. It was from my therapist when I went to pick up the christmas tree and it came about from her sharing with me some of her news. To which I asked her opinion. 

The xmas tree was awesome and I got to pat a rescue animal of high magnitude cuteness and her other animals. It was a good visit. 

You have so so much more flipping to do before you take my queen of flipping tiara 👸 off me 😘. Glad you giggled. 

Edited. :face_with_rolling_eyes: nothing like copying and pasting something but then not cutting from the place you had it. 🤦‍♀️

[CheerBear]

Can I wear the 'queen of regretting terrible life choices' tiara then @Teej? 😉😆

Thanks. I think sitting is a good idea. If I have a moment that really truly feels right, I at least have the option to take it. If not, time is on my side. Probs a good idea for psych to know this one I think, even it it is just a 'heads up, she's a bit next level crackers at the moment'.

Would love to hear about your hearing something if youd like to share, but OK if you don't want to/can't. Glad it was a good visit. Very cool about the rescue animal too.

[Teej]

Yep @CheerBear that 👸 is probably all yours 😘 ......for now, there’s always a possibility I’ll take it from you. I asked someone who is homeless if he wanted to live with me this week in a random moment of impulsiveness. Bet that shocked you. 😳😮. It’s ok it’s not set in stone. I got his number though and will give it consideration later. It’s someone from my group and he’s a lovely guy who I think could work out but I possibly need to think through it lots more. It’s not in a romantic way. I think he is about 15 yrs younger than me. 

The thing she said was that there is that there is a difference between one conceived by choice and that by accident. That the second is that there is no intention of creating life, therefore creating life unintentionally could be interpreted as not having made that choice, therefore it is a reasonable thing to make a choice about. These are my words and interpretations of what she said. She has always told me a child doesn’t choose to come into this world. It’s our choice ultimately. She often told me this in the context of it was my responsibility to stay here for mine but raised it yesterday in this conversation. I guess it made sense to me. I know this line of thought could be controversial and argued against but for me it made sense.

pretty sure it’s mad pick up time for you. Hope that is not too heavy. 💜🤗 

[CheerBear]

That is a pretty lovely thing to have done @Teej, even if it was impulsive and you probably need to think it through some more. I was pretty shocked, though having a bit of an understanding that you have a big heart, makes it not surprising really. I hope it works out for you, whichever way it goes.

Thank you for sharing your counsellor's perspective. I really appreciate it. I hadn't thought of the intentional/unintentional creating of life perspective before. I most definitely did not mean for this to happen. This outcome was so far from intentional, though I probably should have given it more than the precisely zero thought I gave it at the time. I was a caught in a moment that was almost like a coping strategy (that clearly spectacularly backfired) as so much other stuff felt so horrible then. Had someone said that this would be the outcome of it, there is not a chance I would have gone there. I will definitely think about the perspective you shared.

I feel a bit less batty now. When I get a hit of feels I can become so stuck in them that they take over everything. The kids are great at making me shift out of my stuff. Seriously though, I legitimately questioned whether I really was actually losing my mind this afternoon 😏 So glad my GP decided to touch base with my psych.

Thanks heaps for being there this arvo Teej. You have awesome listening eyes. I feel bad that I am so consumed with this at the moment both here and not-here. This last not-even-two-weeks, feels like it has taken months :face_with_rolling_eyes:😐

😘

[Zoe7]

All the love I have coming your way this afternoon @CheerBear - just so you know I am listening and hearing you. Sometimes the decisions we have to make are the ones we don't want to make but which ever way you go here CB we are right with you, holding your hand and walking alongside you 💜💙💚🧡💛

[CheerBear]

@Zoe7 thanks ❤ Maybe I should flip a coin and go with the idea that in the moment that it is in the air we tend to know what side we want it to land on. Could work 🤔😉

So great to read about your day and how you're feeling going in to next week. Big time go you Zoe!