Funny Quotes & Jokes - Fun Stuff

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Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

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Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

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I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

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I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

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You're never too old to learn something stupid.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

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To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.