Supporting a friend with terminal illness

[Former-Member]

@Zoe7 No need to worry about me- I have always been very independent.

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member I am going to  worry about you because I care about you. I have no doubt that you are independent and have always been - so have I (and it has been really hard at times to be so!) But just letting you know that if you ever do want or need some help - I'm here, and I want to be, for you 

Come over and join the party at Just Checking in when you are ready

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member

Party hat, party eyewear, party hair - on a pink and white party balloon - JUST FOR YOU 

(looks a bit creepy without eyes -might need to draw some on)

[Zoe7]

Hey lil sis @Former-Member

From what you have told me you eat very well. You always seem to have lovely meals for dinner and so does Kira.

If training harder will help make you happy then go for it - but take care of yourself also - don't do more than you can and build upon it gradually.

There are very few people outside of my family who know where I live also. One of the kids in my class this year said he knew where I lived because they had followed me from the shopping centre (which is not far away from my place) one night after I had ran into them there. That really unnverved me at the time. I do have a pretty distinctive car and they may just have seen me parked somewhere and thought that was where I lived - don't know - but have never been hassled by them.

Are you worried about this old school friend for her or for what you might get 'dragged'  into? Do you feel safe around her yourself? And yes you do care a lot but that is ok with the right people who will give back the same level of love that you show and you deserve 

I totally get the safety issue. I don't even like people I know really well staying long. There comes a point when I just want them to leave and to be alone again - no anxiety, no fear - just ME and my babies.

On the point of coping - I have very little idea of what you have been through but I do know you are a strong and capable person who has got to this point in her life despite it all. You are able to cope with anything because you are so independent and focussed on the future. Anytime you start to doubt that I'll be here to give you a boost. 

Start keeping your sleep journal again - and maybe also include what you do for the few hours before - so you can get an idea of any patterns that may also be hampering your sleep. 

Definitely sign up for masters this week - it is one of your goals - and start getting organised after your Mum goes home. Spend some quality time with her first and then get started on the rest of the year - let's make  it the best year possible. I'm with you all the way. a

Love you heaps little sis  So happy you are in my life 

[Former-Member]

Hey sis @Zoe7

I feeling a bit down but okay

I need some encouragement with my exercise because I am not making much progress- I'll just see how I go over the next 6 weeks.

For me I would love to have the same kind of friendships I had when I was younger it was so much simpler.

You know how I said I wanted to work on relationships I am not sure if that is a good one for me, I useless at relationships lol.

I did want to talk to you about my friend because I trust your judgement and I guess with her I don't want to get caught up with her dramas. To me everyone in her life she has dramas/problems with and she gets quite petty. I think the relationship is one sided in that I am always travelling down to see her.

She recently broke up with a guy and I don't know the full story but only get snippets of what happen. I met them together after we had plan to go to the movies and she asked if it was okay to bring him and I said more the merrier I don't mind. The guy she was interested in or that had not really been dating only just reconnected - all three of us went to school together. The first thing I notice that he smelt of alcohol and to be honest I have never smelt anyone that bad before and I was put off by it. They were only going out a few weeks and she had to move from where she was and they moved into another place- it just a share accommodation. I think they had only been living together for just over a month and the lady they where renting from asked him to move out.

I went to concert with her early dec and they had broken up and they where sending sms back and forth from each other. I think it got a bit heated between them. I just can't follow her because she knew he was a big drinker you could smell it on him. But what I didn't like was the threatening behaviour from her to him. She wanted to burn his stuff and sell his stuff on gumtree. Apparently he turned up the other day with his sister and not sure of the other party there was three of them and she apparently wanted to take them all on. But she said he hit her head on the car and she had some bruises on her arm. She said to me she should have thrown his keys in the river- I just don't follow that kind of behaviour I think its terrible.

That is all I can think of atm, prior to this guy she had an ex living with her when she started seeing him but she had the ex living in the garage- I just think that is not nice- I couldn't have someone live in my garage- I would make up a room for them or they would be sleeping inside not in the garage. But she started dating this new guy she send the guy in the garage back to Victoria and now she as finished with her boyfriend, she is back in contact with him and wants him to move back. Tomorrow she wants to go to the movies,should I ask if she will drive to the cinemas near my place?

But because of whats happen between her and her boyfriend the lady she was renting a room from has been given notice to leave - apparently she had been living there for years and never had a problem. I think I should limit my contact with her- she seems quite unstable to me. What do you think? I want to help but I need to get my life sorted.

[Zoe7]

Hey lil sis @Former-Member I think you know  in your heart what you need to do! Just in case you are still conflicted - I think you should definitely ask your friend to meet you at the cinema close to your home - where you can get to quickly if you aren't feeling safe. It really sounds like she is having a very negative affect on you and you do not deserve that. I am not going to say just 'drop' her as a friend at the moment because you are too caring a person to do that. I will say if at any time you feel you have just had enough then move on. Do you think if you do that she would become violent to you? That is probably my biggest concern from what you have said. If she can be so aggressive with men (and others) then would she then do the same to you?

Do you want to meet her tomorrow? You have a good reason not to - your mum is there! I think if you still want to go to the movies and she won't come up to you then that is a very clear indication that you are the better person in this friendship and she is only thinking of herself.

Don't beat yourself up about the exercise progress - it will happen - you are way in front of me LOL. Join the masters swimming this week and stick to your goals - both gym sessions and swimming - one week at a time. We'll reassess how you feel at the end of the week and see if you can extend your sessions or need a bit more time.  I know you have goals but there really is no rush - you'll get there.

Relationships - sh*t that's one I have no advice on!!!!!! I do think it is a real shame that someone as wonderful as you and as giving does not have someone in your life to be able to tell you that every day and help to look after you (YES Miss Independent I know you are ok on your own BUT...). 

You aren't as useless as you say with relationships  You have developed a very special relationship with me and that would never have happened if it was only one way. There are so many different types of relationships in this world - I believe that you have made a huge step in this regards by connecting the way you have here with me. Every day I look forward to talking to you - I couldn't have said that about anyone a few weeks ago. You have had a profound effect on my life - you care, you listen and you make me happy - what more can you ask for in a friendship or any relationship.

better post this now or you'll think I've fallen asleep on you - wide awake by the way - and here all day for you if needed.

love you heaps my wonderful little sister 

[Former-Member]

Hi again sis @Zoe7

I knew you had not fallen asleep or otherwise I would have to wake you up lol.

In my teenage years I was the life of the party- I bet you would not guess that.

I just want to enjoy being friends with you and I am glad our relationship is more balanced. And I have been able to make your days a bit happier.

I am caring person but at the end of the day I have to think about myself. In terms of this person I honestly don't know what is wrong with her and if she has some undiagnosed mental health problem.

This is what she wrote the other night on facebook tell me if you understand

Boxing day present to ya SR because thats how you roll lol (I have taken out his name just for his privavcy)

Someone is going to go she is a phyco bitch..im going to go yes ten four rubber ducky and tip over your varandah and tick that box Rubber ducky

The old aussie switch a rooney aresholeamanouver. Need to get you to a doctor cause your mental..lol im *ucking mental...you just dont want to dance with me

I think you might understand why I am distressed I don't talk like this, I think she is quite volatile. Just something does not feel right to me.

Moving on don't want to get bogged down by this.

I hope me opening up like this doesn't change how you see me. I tend not to voice much at all but that is slowly changing I think. I'll send this because I can't think of much else to say atm.

[Former-Member]

Hi sis @Zoe7

Have you gone to sleep?

I have not heard from you in a while.

[Zoe7]

Hey lil sis @Former-Member Go with your feelings sis. She does not present as someone that is safe for you to be around. Psychologically she definitely seems to have 'issues' and you don't need to be put in a position where you take any of those on for her - they are her issues. I am concerned that her psychological aggression could turn into some physical form of aggression also - and I don't want you to be anywhere near that if it happens. 

I think it is difficult for you to distance yourself from anyone that you can see is in 'trouble' because you really do care about people, but little sis, this one, is just not what you need in your life. 

I think you underestimate me sometimes LOL. From reading between the lines in some of our conversations I got the distinct impression that you were once very outgoing and loved life. It seems that changed very quickly for you. I don't know why (and don't need to know unless you one day want to share) but it has had a tremendous effect on you and your life. I love how positive you can be and how you can look to the future (me not all the way there yet but starting to believe it is possible).

I really hope you believe this: no matter what you say to me, what you share (or don't share) will never change the way I see you. I take people as they are to me. I don't judge them for what they do or don't do - the only thing that is important to me is how they treat me in return.  And you are a very caring person - you have shown that so many times in supporting me over the last few weeks. That is all I have to go on and that is all I need! 

Here with you and care about you 

[Zoe7]

Of course I'm still up sis - had a red bull for NYE!

This is my all time favourite song @Former-Member - I'm giving it to you  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxSTzSEiZ2c