Lived Experience Forum

[Razzle]

@Zoe7   I’m always copping the brunt of her anger.  As far as the grand child goes, the only time we see her is on the mother’s (and the other grandmothers) terms, when it suits them and when there’s something in it for them.

It seems every time it’s all going well she pulls the rug out from under our feet and sends us on another roller coaster ride, and all the blame and drama gets put on me.  To be totally honest, right now this baby doesn’t feel worth it.  I know my marriage has been in trouble for years, but all this drama around this baby has been the final nails in the coffin.  

[Zoe7]

There are some really tough decisions you have to make @Razzle and it seems wherever you turn right now there is heartache. I know you have been struggling with issues in your marriage for some time and that your husband has continued along the same paths despite the counselling sessions where he seems agreeable to things you need - but then once you are back in the real world he forgets things he has said and does not respect your views or wishes. 

Right now all this is very raw for you and I believe you need some time and distance to make these decisions with a clearer - and less angry - head. That does not mean that you will come to the same conclusions but diving right in now when you are so emotionally driven can be a mistake - and ones that you may not be able to undo. 

I totally hear how hurt you are feeling right now - and can definitely understand why - you did not/do not deserve any of this. I would however suggest that you do give yourself time to process it all and then make those rational decisions on moving forward when the dust has had a little time to settle.

If you come to the same conclusions a little further down the track then you have done so with a clear head rather than them being emotionally driven. Whatever the outcomes here Hon I am sitting with you and 100% supporting you in what you ultimately decide.

No-one should have to go through all that you have been through - with your husband, your son, this girl or the prospect of not seeing your grandchild because of the hurtful actions of her family. You deserve to be shown some respect by them all ...especially from those who supposedly love you and you have every right to feel the pain you are currently feeling because you have been let down by those people terribly.

Take some time though Hon - now is the time to look after yourself because you not only matter but deserve better 

[Razzle]

Thanks @Zoe7   I won’t do anything rash for now, but I want space from everyone at the moment.  

Thanks for the support, I really do appreciate it.  My head feels like it’s in a vice at the moment and my eyes are burning so I think I’ll call it a night.

I’ll check in tomorrow ❤️❤️

[Zoe7]

Goodnight @Razzle You are doing the best you can Hon - give yourself that time 

Will look out for you tomorrow 

[Zoe7]

Evening @Razzle Checking in Hon to see how you are doing today - very much thinking of you 

[Razzle]

Hi @Zoe7   Not a great day.  I unpacked the car today and shuffled things around in my room to fit things in.  Had a big cry in the shower this morning and have felt pretty lousy all day.  Mum has been asking where my husband is, I just keep making excuses as to where he is.  It’s been a bit of a battle to keep the tears at bay.

How has your day been.  Have you been able to get the bird houses ready?

[Zoe7]

Not surprising you have been feeling like that today Hon - so much to deal with and that is both sad and exhausting @Razzle Having to make excuses for your husband not being there is a difficult situation to be in with your Mum too. Would she understand if you told her the truth or would that give you even more stress?

I haven't even managed to get the fence palings off the trailer - no energy or motivation today. I have done a few things around the house but nowhere near what I wanted to get done there either. I slept most of the morning and late afternoon but managed to do some grocery shopping and watch the footy in there too. Doing much the same tonight but the footy is more on in the background - not really interested in the game but there is nothing else on tv worth watching either.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow? Something nice you can do just for yourself?

[Razzle]

@Zoe7   No plans, I’m a bit like you that I have no motivation.  I don’t want to go anywhere, I don’t want to do anything.  I don’t really want to be here, but I don’t want to be anywhere else either.  I’ve never felt so stuck and alone in all my life.

I wish I could talk to mum, but it would only upset her and then she’d forget 5 minutes later anyway, and that would upset me even further.  

I really wish I could talk to my dad, god I really miss him tonight  

Mum has gone to bed and I’m sitting here crying my eyes out.  I never thought this would be my life at 48.  

[Zoe7]

I understand why you can't talk to your Mum about all this and that just adds to the heartache not having your Dad around too Hon  Feeling so alone is a horrible place to be - especially when there is so much going on for you. Cry all you need @Razzle I am happy to sit here with you and keep you company 

[Razzle]

@Zoe7   I got a text from my husband wanting to know if we could talk, that was 2 hours ago.  I fired a couple of questions at him but he hasn’t replied.  

I think I’m too angry to talk to him, besides I’d only cry and I don’t want to cry in front of him anymore, it just makes me feel even more pathetic.