Depression anxiety

[Lula]

Hi @Jynx and @MJG017 and thank you for your pic Jynx, and of course both of you for your replies.  I can’t tell from the pic of your hand Jynx whether you are male or female - do you both mind telling me which you are ?  Maybe you, or ‘Sane’, has a reason for hiding that, but I can’t imagine or understand why.  Speaking just for myself I sense a different vibe if I’m talking to a man or woman.   If it’s a woman I sense gentleness, if it’s a man strength - maybe it’s what I want to sense, I don’t know.

I've spent half of this weekend until noon in bed because it’s been so cold, way below the forecast. Why can’t BOM get it right ?  But I often stay in bed late if I don’t have to go out to do something, especially in winter - I am comfortable and cosy warm in bed and going out into a lonely world is too hard.

Thanks guys

[MJG017]

Hi @Lula, as far as I know there is no rule about hiding gender, just identifying information like real names.  So people just use nicknames or similar..  or initials if they're uncreative like me.  Some people will mention in their gender in their posts, but I think a lot of people dont see it as relevant and just dont say it.  

I don't mind saying I'm male, I've probably mentioned it in previous posts so ive never tried to hide it.  Like I said, i just think some people dont see it as important, depending on what they're writing about of course, but I understand why you might feel more comfortable talking to someone if you know.

Also, there's no better place on a cold day than a nice warm comfy bed in my opinion.  Plus, as you said, its about as far away from the outside world as we can get.  Sometimes when I'm having a really bad day, i just go to bed early to get away from as much of the world as possible.

[Lula]

Thanks @MJG017  and I understand what you say about real names or nicknames and it not being important for some people, but for me it does make a difference.  So I will think of you being one of the names you could be with the initial M, and if it’s ok with you I will call you M in future.

I am not in the area that BOM forecast a winter heatwave for recently, but even so the forecast for today was 27. It started out really chilly (one reason for staying in bed) and then earlier in the afternoon it warmed up quite a bit and because it was very cool inside I had condensation on the outside of the windows - I’ve not seen that happen before 🤷‍♀️

One of the problems I’ve found with this forum is that as I reply to you now I can’t see what you have posted to me before (is there a thread?) but I think you have said that you have problems relating to people - I do too in the sense that the things people can say and do can be so hard to understand, and if I ask them something to clarify the why and the how it doesn’t go down well. Were you a kid who got squashed for asking so many questions ? I was and I still am asking questions or wanting to find out and understand about things.

I’ve got to finish now M 👋

[tyme]

Hey @Lula ,

I hear what you are saying. The reason we don't specifically ask members' pronouns is that we want to protect people's anonymity as much as possible. I absolutely hear what you say about the 'vibe' you get when talking to a male or female. 

Whilst it's not mandatory, it's also okay to share your gender if you feel you want to. We leave that to the discretion of members.

As for finding your posts, you can see them in your notifications at the top right of the screen.

If a member has tagged you into a post, you will get a notification. Tagging is when a person types "@" in front of a username.

In your post above, I have edited it and typed @MJG017  so that they get a notification. If you only type "MJG017", then they can miss your post.

Hope this makes sense... sorry if I'm not making sense. Let me know I can I'll try to clarify it.

[MJG017]

@Lula, you can call me whatever makes you comfortable.  M is fine, it is my name just heavily abbreviated anyway.  I just notice @tyme beat me to it, but if you don't tag me with the @ symbol before my user name then it may take me a while to see you reply.  When I'm tagged in a post I get an email that says someone has tagged me.  Feel free to put my tag at the top of any reply and then just refer to me as M for the rest of that post.  If you have any questions about this then feel free to ask away, we're all happy to help.

I agree, it is annoying when replying to a post that you can only see the message you are replying to and not all the previous ones.  I open the whole thread in another window so I can keep track of all the posts in that thread when I'm replying.  I did bring this up with the people upgrading this forum so maybe this will be made easier in the new version.  Again, if you have any questions, ask away.

The weather does seem very unpredictable at the moment.  BOM will forecast no rain, so i'll get surprised when it starts raining, doubt myself and recheck the forecast and it will say there "will be rain".  I think they make it up as they go sometimes.

Yes, I have mentioned here that I've always had trouble relating to people, to the point where I've only ever had a close relationship with one person in my life.  I used to ask a lot of question when I was young but quickly learnt not to, as it seemed to annoy people when I did.  So I would just try to figure things out myself which didn't help with relating to anyone because I had all these questions I couldn't ask, So I had a lot of doubts, so I didn't get very far with making friends with them.  I even started seeing a psychologist this year (first time ever) and was told I "over-think" things.  My response was "Of course I do, because I don't understand most of it and I'm still trying to work it all out!".  Even my partner gets frustrated when she's trying to explain something to me because I seem to think through things differently, so my questions seem out of the blue to her and she thinks i'm not listening.  I am, but I just process it differently.  I'm not sure she totally believes me.

[Lula]

Hi @MJG017 

I do know about tagging with an @, and I did put one before your name before, but in the process of typing, leaving the page for a bit and finally posting it seems to have disappeared - I can’t explain it 🤷‍♀️

So I’ll start again …

Hi M  

I have used a computer for a long, long time too - back in the early 80’s my boss got a computer and I think he was as nervous as anyone else in the business 😂.  Anyway we all move on and I did all sorts of computer work, but technology these days is dazzling to say the least.  Sometimes I am mightily challenged on my iPad or with my Smart TV, and things that are done out there in the big wide world now are way beyond my imagination as to how.

So if you could tell me please how to open the ‘whole thread’ of emails that would be wonderful - I would appreciate that a lot - I haven’t been able to work it out.

As I said before I got jumped on a lot and told to keep quiet etc through my childhood, so I did - and I still am often nervous to speak up. I’ve had people say “why do you analyze everything,” so I get what you’re saying. I’m glad you have a partner - and though you wonder sometimes that maybe she doesn’t always understand you, that happens in all relationships.  She will have testing days of her own too.

I would love to have a partner, but as an older person who’s shy and nervous, that’s like finding a needle in a haystack - the dating world is a mixture of being a can of worms and walking on a minefield 😂

Tomorrow I can’t lay about in bed as one thing I have to do is get one (or maybe 2) new tyres on my car.   And I’ve spent most of this weekend in bed or on the sofa so I know I can’t do that all the time.

M I’ve been dealing with depression for as long as I can remember so I’ve gone through many bouts of it but 2024 has been ‘different’ - it has been SO much harder to manage and started me off on a down slope to where I am now.  The last couple of months has been the last straw so being able to ‘talk’ with you in something like a normal way is helping me a lot.  I’ve got all fingers and toes crossed that I can get back up and on track again, or else … I don’t want to think about that.

And can I say I like the way you talk and we do have a bit in common too which also helps, so thank you for that 👍.  I hope reading what must be a lot of sad stories and supporting those people on this forum gives you more satisfaction than it takes away from you M  - I certainly feel better for having this contact with you and one other so far, so a big thank you to you.

Bye for now M 

[MJG017]

Hi @Lula.  Don't take any offense if I tend to assume you aren't very computer literate.  My last job was working for a local community centre where I looked after all of their IT and designed and ran basic computer classes for members of the community.  The students tended to be either retired people who wanted to learn how to use a computer, or people looking for work that were told they needed some basic knowledge to improved their chances of finding work.

I was very new to this when I started and it took a lot of work for me to learn to not use jargon and explain things as simply as possible.  I did these classes for about 15 years so it's sort of become habit to explain things starting right from the very basics.

I remember when computer first started to become more common.  I was still in school but I still remember everyone being so scared of stuffing something up on them because they were so expensive.  I imagine it was specially stressful if using one at work.  If you're a kid in school, then it's the teacher's fault if you do something wrong, but in the workplace it's more on you if something goes wrong I would have thought.

The way I see the whole thread while I'm replying to a post is the by opening the whole thread in a new tab in my browser.  I don't know of an easier, simpler way so maybe someone can correct me of i'm wrong but this is how I do it.

Up the top of the screen when replying, you'll see the heading "New Reply".  Directly under that you'll see the path of the current thread.

Here's a screenshot to show you.  At the end of this path is the name of the thread I'm replying in. (i've circled it).  I right click on that and open it in a new tab or window.  I usually then move that window onto my 2nd monitor, but otherwise just switch between tabs in my browser so I can easily go between my reply and reading through the entire thread.  It's a bit messy but I find it helpful to have the whole thread open to me when i'm replying and there's been a few other replies already.

I really do consider myself lucky I'm with my partner.  She the only person I've ever been close to and the only real close relationship I've ever had with anyone, even including family.  I think she's enough like me in a few ways to understand more why I am the way I am... enough to give me a chance where others wouldn't maybe.

I get the whole finding a needle in a haystack thing.  I never though I would ever find anyone.  I'm sure I've written about this somewhere on this forum before but not sure where, but basically I met her through online dating when I was almost 43.  I had been using this online dating site for about 3 years after having a sort of mid-life crisis at 39 and knew I had to do something desperate if I was ever going to find anyone.  I knew I'd never be brave enough to contact anyone, but thought that putting a profile up gave me more chance than doing nothing.  Over the next couple of years I had a couple of people make contact and even had a couple of dates with each of them.  These were the first dates I had ever been on in my life... while in my early 40s... so I was terrified, completely out of my depth and I so who knows what these women thought but needless to say it didn't last very long.  So after almost 3 years I had about a week and a half of my paid subscription left and I thought there's no point in paying anymore since I was obviously clueless and just didn't have the confidence to have any chance.  I then got a message from someone and thought well why not have one last nice chat with someone before they stop replying to me... 11 years later I'm still with her!  Having said that, I would never do it again!  It was so stressful and I still think I just got extremely lucky so it's not like I should recommend it to anyone, but I guess, just to say never completely give up.  Sometimes you just have to be in the right place, at the right time, with the right person.  Yeah, there's a lot of luck involved but we all deserve a lucky break once in our lives.

I think I've been dealing with depression my whole life as well.  I didn't think so before a couple of years ago, because it was just 'normal' for me.  I knew I struggled to have people in my life where other people didn't and I think I always just kept those feelings to myself, buried them, and always presented a smiling happy me to anyone I was around.  It wasn't until late last year when I first started talking to people about personal issues and was told that I showed a lot of signs of depression.  My first thought was "this can't be right!" because these were the same feelings I had always lived with.  So maybe i'm a bit slow but I eventually figured out what that most likely meant.  Especially when my GP gave me one of those mental health screening tests.  I was told I scored pretty bad, and was asked what was going on.  I thought, nothing was going on, I would have answered those questions the same 10, 20, even 30 or 40 years ago.

The past couple of years had been extremely tough for me due to health issues.  A specialist told me in late 2022 that 2023 would be a very difficult year, probably the worst of my life.  He was right.  What he didn't say was 2024 would be even worse!  So only having my partner around for support, I started reaching out for more support as I just all became too hard to deal with.  I started being hones with the doctors and nurses I was seeing, took their advice to see a psychologist, and sought out support groups to find people who understood and who I could talk to... with someone I met through one of these nurses, we even started a support group of our own this year!

So I think through the toughest couple of years of my life, I've discovered how much just talking to people can help and how important it has been for me to help me through.  So it's become a strong passion of mine to try to do the same for other people.  I have no idea what to do with this, I've applying for volunteer roles that felt important to me (helping other people going through the same disease as well mainly) but it seems no one wants to take you on while you're still having treatment for cancer... even if it is just drugs you need to take for the rest of your life.  Psychology is expensive so I have support groups left as an option.  So I find the best help I can get for myself is reaching out and using my experiences to help others.  As someone who's only ever known how to build and repair computers, I have no idea what to do with this desire I've found to help other people going through some of the toughest times of our lives so support groups, like here, is where I focus my energy now.  It helps to give me a reason to get out of bed each morning because sometimes it's real hard to find one.

So it does mean a lot to me to hear you say the contact we've had has helped you and I hope it can help you stay on that track because I know how much it helps me.  So it may start with a few people replying to your post, and then a few more people and then you starting reaching out further and finding more people to talk to and slowly building that support network around you and things start getting a bit easier. 

I hope this week is a bit easier for you Lula.

[Lula]

Hello M

@MJG017 just quickly because I have to get ready to go out - I absolutely didn’t take any offence at all re my computer literacy - it’s all good M - please don’t think otherwise.

Because I have not enough time now to properly read your email I will do that and reply later, this afternoon.

Have the best day you can M and I will try to as well.

[Lula]

You’re absolutely right @MJG017  it is REALLY hard to not get frustrated and upset navigating this system, and I’m failing miserably. I don’t understand why, but mostly when I’m here I’m low anyway and this just adds to it.

M I hope I don’t make you feel crowded that I’m only contacting you so far, but the above is the main reason, and the fact that I like ‘talking’ with you.  I know it’s never going to happen, but I’d like to meet you in person.  I related to and understood so much of what you said in your long email a couple of days ago. Thank you for sharing all that with me.

I'm really not coping very well at all M.  My appetite has gone and I don’t want to eat, so I have to force myself to.  I was with another friend yesterday who was a bit shocked at how much weight I’ve lost.

this afternoon I had an hour long massage and I don’t know that it helped much.  We’ve had a couple of sunny warm days which has been lovely and such a relief from the cold overcast ones.

My life seems to be crumbling around me and I feel dreadful.  I’m really not a bad person, but with my history I’ve made mistakes, still making mistakes at my age and feel so incredibly stupid.  Old habits die hard it seems.  I am trying hard but feel like I’m getting nowhere.  I really don’t know how I’m going to get back up. Right now I feel SO tired and SO worn out by it all, I could go to bed and it’s only 5.30, but I’ve got to eat something for dinner. There was somewhere I wanted to be this morning but I didn’t sleep well last night and couldn’t get up and get going in time.  From what you’ve written you must be a senior, I am too, and all this is even harder.

bye for now M

[Jynx]

@Lula hey hun, just want to first off acknowledge your frustrations. I think you're right, many folks are going to access the forums when they're already feeling low, and the frustration of navigating it all would only add to that hey. I am glad that you're still persisting anyway!! Really nice to see your name pop up again 😊

I am really hearing how truly exhausted and burnt out you are from just trying to keep yourself afloat. It sounds like you're doing all you can to keep all those plates spinning, but it's so tiring having to run around constantly doing so hey. I'm wondering if you have much in the way of mental health support at the moment? Like a counsellor or psychologist? None of us are ever meant to cope with everything by ourselves, humans are social creatures by nature. I know for myself, having a person there with whom I can share everything, offload all my worries, and who helps me to untangle myself from all the noise, has been invaluable. Even if just some one off support could be helpful, you can always give the lovely folks over on the SANE Support line a buzz (1800 187 263 Mon-Fri, 10am-10pm).

Just want you to know we're here for you hun 💜