Lived Experience Forum

[BeNormal]

Hi,

Im currently in detox withdrawing from long term addiction. My support worker told me about SANE. Around 13 yrs old I started using which actually made me feel very paranoid tbh but peer pressure etc and wanting to b accepted I carried on. Around 15 I found a particular drug and they made EVERYTHING better. The world was my oyster. They also made me very destructive. I went on to use anything and everything for fun, to cope, for attention, to help me try to understand life. Ever since I was young like 5 or 6 I’ve been anxious and very worried about things happening. Scared to get in trouble. Scared of losing my parents. I’d get depressed and have a very distorted self image. I am very caring and loving but can say really mean things to my loved ones. Mainly my husband and family. I think way too much. I get paranoid that im responsible for peoples moods. I feel discontent. I feel lonely and empty a lot. I get bored easily. Im unmotivated. I have 3 beautiful little boys that I love to the ends of the earth. Im getting clean for them and hopefully I can learn to love myself enough to stay clean for me. I can’t go to rehab after this due to family and financial restrictions. Im going to hit the ground running when I leave here as my husband is fifo and im a stay at home Mum. I am a great mum I know that and I keep my babies close and want the best for them. I don’t want them following in my footsteps. 
As a teen I self-harmed and took too many drugs which lead to many hospital and psych ward admissions. I’ve been to rehab and detox several times. There’s alot of stuff in my past. I’ve seen a lot. I’ve learnt about this thing called complex trauma. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD as a teen but it was never addressed. I wonder if this is still an issue. I can lack empathy but I feel alot. I feel too sensitive for this world. I love to laugh but I don’t often. This past year my mental health has broken down real bad. I started getting insomnia about a year ago. I fall in love with caregivers, always female and pretty. Then I can start to hate them. Sometimes I wonder if im gay. I don’t know. I love my husband. I guess I just fantasise about women. I really struggle with my identity. Sorry for the novel. I’m terrified of living without drugs an alcohol but I’m terrified of what’s gonna happen if I keep it up. So anxiety, social anxiety, depression and maybe BPD. Complex trauma and I’m struggling a lot atm being in here and scared of going home. I miss my family so bad but really scared of leaving this bubble. I have a lot of guilt atm. I’m a mess

[tyme]

Dear @BeNormal ,

Welcome to the forums! You have been so brave to make the step to be clean for your children.

I acknowledge this is a huge step for you and you deserve all the support you can get.

There are many here who have experienced the self-harm and instability that comes with BPD. I hope you will find the support and connection here on the forums that will support your recovery.

Tagging a few members who may want to pop by and say hi. @Appleblossom @BPDSurvivor @Bow @maddison @Judi9877 

tyme

[BeNormal]

Thanks 😊 I’m trying to join the group chat but it won’t let me for some reason?

[tyme]

Sorry to hear @BeNormal . What device are you using? It looks a bit different on different devices.

[Judi9877]

Hi there @BeNormal and welcome and welcome to the forums. It’s nice to meet you! I’m a Community Guide here and it’s my job to welcome new members and to show them around the forums. I have a lived experience of depression, BPD and schizophrenia so I know of the difficulties, challenges and the positives and rewards of some mental illnesses that you have despite everyone’s experiences being unique and different.

I don’t have an addiction background behind me but I’m so glad you’re in a okay getting support for your issues. That takes courage, bravery and strength and I’m so proud of you for choosing to do this. I know your children will be so happy for you once you overcome your problems and I’m very glad to hear they are at the forefront of your mind. Your love for them comes shining through here as you speak of them so well done! Keep up the great work! 

I’m currently in hospital at the moment dealing with my mental health so I’m not as frequent in the forums right now but I just thought I’d say hi to you.

Take care!

Judi9877☺️💐🍀

[Backspin]

Hi Judi n our new member.

Your welcome message is so inspiring and courageous to all of us.

Hope you are well again soon and please send more messages.

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @BeNormal ,

Thank you for your post.

As I read, I could see so many similarities in my life - having a distorted image of self, being caring and loving, continued self-harm etc.

With support, I have survived BPD and now live a full, complete and content life.

I hope you will be able to get the support you absolutely deserve.

Hugs, BPDSurvivor 

[BeNormal]

Hi @BPDSurvivor BPD Survivor,

I think I am making progress in accessing a better psychologist. I need a psychiatric evaluation to see if this BPD thing is current. I don’t know. I’m all over the shop atm. What sort of therapy helped u?

Thank you for your message 🙂 

[squiggly]

hi hiii, first post here 🙂

man, I've started writing this post three times in the past few days but each time I've run out of time. hopefully this one makes it 🤞🤞

anyway, a bit about myself... I'm a creative person, I like to draw and make music. I'm making a game slowly slowly when I have the time, and I have a few plants that I'm training to become bonsai. I've got two jobs as a peer worker, and I'm currently studying both the cert iv in mental health peer work and intentional peer support. which adds up to work for 5 days a week, and study for 3 a week. I'll let you do the maths on that 😅

I decided to make an account here because I feel like I need a space like the ones I maintain at work, but where it's okay for me to put a bit more focus on myself. maybe these forums can be that for me. I'm curious to know about everyone else here as well of course!

[Backspin]

Hi .

Am told by my neighbour that she been suffering depression since her 1st child born , now 14.

She said important to get good physcoligist.

She been on meds for a long time and now down to 5 mg day, but been using cbn oil for 4 mths.

I had a poor physcoligist any want to get right diagnosis before getting another?.

Like you.