Hope the teary support call helped
@Teej.
Thanks heaps for sharing what might win the battle for you. I was wondering where you might sit with it all and am really thankful you shared. I seriously appreciate your support either way (I just appreciate you lots Teej).
I think my head will win this one which is really tough in a way because I'm so often led (dragged along) by my heart. I want to think that I can't do it (continue what I've started) but it isn't that as I know I could. It's that I don't think I want to. That feels like raw honesty that's hard for me to admit to myself, let alone anyone else
😏. I have two appointments tomorrow and then I'll be ready (or not) over the weekend in my bbn own time in my own way. I'm scared of lots. I'm scared I won't be able to do it, scared of how I'll be when it is happening and scared of how long it will take to be at peace, but in all (raw) honesty (again) I feel better for having mostly made a decision and am looking forward to having it not play on my mind all the time, to not feeling sick and sore and jumbled all the time, and to being able to move on in the way I was working so hard at before I made a terrible decision that has nearly broken me.
He's coming over soon to talk about it. He wants to support me and says he will either way, but he has also expressed a pretty strong preference towards his heart winning to the point that he has shared good news with his family
😔. I feel like I'm going to need to stay strong when I see him, so in a way me sharing here is trying to build myself up for it.
The little people and I took a treat to the park this afternoon and it felt so good. They will continue to be the number one protective factor I have so I'm going to try really hard to focus on all the good feels that being with them brings over the coming weeks. The Grinch, twinkling fairy lights, a sparkly tree, gingerbread houses and December magic (and a bunch of exciting school stuff I can't really share).
I hope you enjoy picking up your tree. Super cool that it comes from where it does. Also hope that appointment has gone well for you. Hugs again.
🎄😊🖤
