Lived Experience Forum

[Mazarita]

Haha, @CheerBear! I thought someone here had in some way helped you get to sleep again. 

I didn't watch a single one of the videos yesterday. Instead I spent most of my computer time putting together family photos spanning my lifetime, for a picture book I have now ordered for my mum from one of those online printing services. It took me hours to compile and clean up the photos with Photoshop, and then to work out how to use the service's online editor to design the book. Was an enjoyable process though, and really took me back in time and memory. I was pleased to see so many photos of me smiling. That kind of hides what's gone on inside me a lot most of my life, but kind of gave me a more positive perspective on things too, to see that smiles were part of what happened too.

How was your yesterday?

[CheerBear]

That's awesome @Mazarita 😊 What a special thing for your mum to have. Great to see photos of you smiling when you were younger.

Yesterday was very quiet for me but OK thanks. I spent it here at home doing very little but chatting here and trying to make a crafty thing for Christmas. Quiet afternoon and night with the kids who spent it playing video games mostly together which was good.

Hows today looking for you?

[Mazarita]

I saw the picture books advertised on TV, @CheerBear, and decided to go to the website and check it out. Got caught up in the process! I was quite an emotional journey in a way, looking back over my whole life. A cathartic experience, and somehow empowering (or something, can't find the words to describe the emotions). I'm having the book sent to me first to see how the images have come up in the printing, before ordering a second copy to send to Mum. A lot of the photos were pretty rough and battered, and maybe the resolution not so great, as the digital copies are from scans on a home machine some years ago now. Not surprising they might be a bit on the weathered side. Some of them are over 50 years old! 

Your day yesterday sounds like just what you needed. It's about time you had some relaxing days. Really good to hear it. 

I have quite a bit on today actually, and I probably shouldn't stay awake here for too long if I am going to have a hope of getting through it. Need to get out of the flat for the first time in days, as one of my medications has run out now, and others will soon too. That will be a bit of a bus trip, and I might get a longish walk in too for some part of it. Also need to do some washing and have a shower, which as you know still involves a fair bit of energy for me to do, getting over my resistance and actually getting in there. So crazy, since I always feel better for it. Want to ring Mum again. And maybe I'll get to some viewing of the competition videos as well. It's not yet urgent that I get through them, but need to start doing that at least by the weekend.

How is today looking for you?

[CheerBear]

I made a video last year for my family of photos from christmases between when the first of us was born until we were well into our teens @Mazarita. I found two gorgeous christmas songs to go with them and made myself and everyone watching, become quite teary. I found it an emotional journey also. Big hugs. Glad yours had an element of catharsis to it ❤

Today I have my MH worker this afternoon as we had to reschedule after the medical hiccup the other day, then we are all off to a thing for big's new school tonight. That was causing my tossy turny last night as its lots of info, lots of cost (uniforms, laptop, fees etc) and a lot to get my head around. They're so excited which is awesome but the whole thing is a bit of a stress and I should have been getting on to it all over the last few weeks but I havent had it in me. Now I'll have to play catch up.

Hope your day goes well today and that you get what youd like and need done. Trusting and believing you'll feel better after it too, though getting that it can be tricky especially after a few days at home.

❤

[Mazarita]

Thanks, @CheerBear. Hugs for the stress of the expenses and info. I can only imagine how hard it would be to need to factor in those expenses on a limited low income. I also get how impossible it would have been to even think of addressing any of that beforehand, given what's been happening in your world. I hope your time with MH worker today is helpful and nurturing, and that the event tonight goes well. 

I'm heading back to bed now. Cheers for being here again this morning, CB. 

[CheerBear]

Thanks for understanding @Mazarita. When big was offered a place at this school the financial aspect was something I considered. I remember thinking it would be a bigger stretch than other schools but I was pretty determined to make it work if they chose to accept. This opportunity was made possible because of their results on an exam (which in itself didn't sit well with me but it isn't like we had an abundance of options 😏). I can't stand the idea that money would be the thing that gets in their way. I don't think it is right or fair.

Maybe today I will aim for writing down what needs attention right now and what can wait until later. It all feels like a big overwhelming blurry mess at the moment but I know lists and plans can help de-blur stuff and I do lists well 👍 I could have really used another few days at least to settle banana brain after what's just happened and could quite happily spend another day hiding from the world under my blanket in a puddle of misery though 😉

Big breath as I too head off to start the day. Great to catch you again ❤🌞🌈

[Teej]

Just checking in.

@CheerBear @Mazarita I hope your busy days are going ok. @CheerBear @Mazarita sometimes if I haven’t slept I follow your early morning conversations. They are so gentle, supportive and positive even through really difficult content. The other day I wanted you to know I was there as sometimes I feel uncomfortable following a conversation when you don’t know.....hmm it feels a bit like spying. I learn lots from the both of you always. 

I survived full contingent family tea 😅. Having a chill out day in 39 degree heat no air conditioning 😏. About to go to GP and maybe head over to my parents to fix some computer stuff for them. 

[CheerBear]

❤ @Teej 😊

Yay for surviving full contingent for tea! Your weather is heading here and I'm melting a bit today too. Not nice without an a/c 😏

I survived (after momentarily feeling my heart possibly stop 😉) looking through school fees etc. Haven't worked it out past writing it all down and adding it up, but that will come. My appointment with my MH worker went well too. And this morning I was extra brave and told my person (the well one) about the pickle I was in and what I am feeling now. I've found it hard to keep from them as I'm trying to be normal feeling anything but it at times so I turned to avoiding them but that made it look like I was ignoring them and not caring anymore. She cried and told me I should have told her and that she was sad to think of me going through it alone. I told her why I didn't want to add this one to her stuff and that I wasn't alone and I had some great support. It'll help heaps with the next weeks as they'll now understand if I'm not my totally my usual CheerBear self. I think it was another positive step in this journey (which is why I wanted to share 🙂).

Almost kid o'clock and will no doubt have an excited big as we're off to something fun for them this afternoon/evening. Hope you have a helpful GP appointment and trip to your parents ❤

[Zoe7]

Reading along with you all @CheerBear @Mazarita @Teej and loving the care and compassion you all have for each other here - it is truly a wonderful thing to see 

@CheerBear you will most likely be with a very excited Big now - I hope it all goes well for you both. I am so pleased you told your person and that she is being a support for you - it is wonderful that you have her to lean on too CB 

@Mazarita I love the idea of the photo album book - I hope when it arrives it is just what you envisaged it to be and you can give one to your mum. 

@Teej always wonderful to see you and thank you for your support on the other thread - it means so much to me that you read along - you don't need to post - just knowing you are around gives me a little heartlift 

[Teej]

You ok @CheerBear. You’re not often on the forum at this time of night? I’m thinking tonight was pretty big.