Walking on the road to recovery ........ 🤔

[Former-Member]

Quick check in with the purple people @Teej. 

Hope your day is being what you want it to be. 

[Teej]

Hey @Former-Member, I’ve been wanting to drop something off to you since this morning. I found it looking for sun shower images. I hope your day has been ok 😊💜

I think it’s lovely. 🤗💜

[Teej]

Just an update for anyone interested. 

My world is going ok considering. It’s been a tough weekend. I had lots if si thoughts but they were more just thoughts not strong urges and I managed them well enough. In my past this weekend was one of the ones I enjoyed the most in my old life. This year I was so messed up by feeling like I’d lost a huge part of my identity and felt confused as to how to feel about it all. It was one of the things I used to look forward too. 

Ive has lots of thoughts lately about identity and also how to think/feel about my old life. I’m not mourning it but have blocked so much out. I’m scared if I take any of it on it will hurt and remind me of my past too much. I think I’ve pushed away everything that was me prior to d day. A week ago I realised that I really love autumn trees still and that it’s ok to still want to have them in my life even though they were a big part of my old life. I found a Japanese maple at Aldi for $2:50 which I snapped up and a cheap ginkgo. Slowly I’ll build up a collection. I also planted 2 autumn trees in my front yard. It’s a really messy time for me being worried about the future but if I have one here there will be a few parts of me here too. Seeing the seasons change through the trees will be part of it. 

There is so much more going on in my head but thought I’d share this for now. I hope everyone is ok. 

[Former-Member]

@Teej Aren't they beautiful! Thank you for thinking to share those beautiful birds with me, very kind and thoughtful of you.  Apologies for not responding sooner, 'stuff' got in the way of being here yesterday. 

I hope you are travelling okay this week @Teej 

[Former-Member]

Although I expect that our situations are quite different , I hear you about the shift in identity and the confusion that comes from various changes.

There are small things and large things, and then there are seemingly huge things, and you sound like you have managed to get through and can see ways forward to still having some elements of the 'old' you combined with the 'new' you.  That's very insightful of you. 

I love your story of the autumn leaves and what they mean to you and then finding the Japanese maple and the Gingo trees, and then the most important part, where you allowed yourself to get them for yourself! It's the type of things it took me a whie to learn how to do for myself, so can really relate. 

It's been a weekend of reflection caused by weird dreams for me. I realised there has been one pivotal point in time that changed the whole course of my life. A path that could not have occured otherwise. A decision made and acted on by parents, that took in the long term future needs of the younger male siblings and totally disregarded what were vitally important needs right then, for my future. It could have waited 8 more months for them to make that move, or I could have been allowed to board to finish that year. A different perspective has released me from the weight of self blame I've been hauling around behind me for 46 years. No wonder I get upset when I am dismissed. 

I trust your day will have more moments of pleasure as you nurture your new trees. 

[Teej]

Hi @Former-Member

.......you know I have to post pictures that remind me of sun showers as your name elicits something beautiful to me. Maybe one day I’ll get out of my house and chase my own sun shower pictures with my once loved camera. Here is today’s  

I really wish it was clearer but I guess the internet can’t provide everything I wish for 😉. 

Thank you for your response too. It made me smile that you appreciated my autumn leaf story. I nearly deleted it because I felt like a goose writing it. 

Im sorry that you had a couple of hard days and that the course of your life was changed in the way it did. I connect with both parts of that. In the last few weeks I’ve been flooded from strange dreams from my past coming into my present which has seen me waking up feeling uncertain and even more insecure. 

My stuff has come from my past as well specifically from when I was a baby apparently but most things were amplified from what I experienced from d day (which wasn’t really a day but the day that from then on events caused trauma for me). 

I hope today is being much kinder to you 💜🤗

[Appleblossom]

Isn't it nice how that realisation that you "have a herb hobby" crept up on you.  My love of gardening crept up on me.  The tree planting sounds terrific and choosing what things of the past are good to keep and what memories or habits to throw away.  When enough genuine good or neutral things keep happening they generate enough cognitions that squeeze out the unhelpful thoughts.

[Teej]

Thanks @Appleblossom how are you travelling? 

[Former-Member]

I do enjoy your images @Teej and truly appreciate you sharing them with me.  How lovely that the idea of sunshowers means so much to you.

It took me months (yes, I lurked here for a couple of months before joining) to find a name that encompassed the meaning well enough of what I wanted to 'stand for who I am here in Sane forumland' sort of thing. I am often both leaking water and sunshiny, just like a sun shower.  

So pleased I took the time to write what I did, because your story and the many things that were also not said, made such sense to me with my life changes in the last few years. I do believe it is the small acknowledgements (as well as the small dismissals) that can have such impact on our lives. 

It is so interesting how things we can even consciously recall impact on us, train us to be particular ways etc. The relief I feel this afternoon after assimilating that piece of understanding of how my life was shifted by decisions out of my hands has been almost a physical shifting of weight from my shoulders and neck. 

Oh, isn't that beautiful @Teej the image just cleared for me. It made me smile, as each of your images do. And that is a good thing! 

Hello @Appleblossom so nice to see you. What you've said ^ that is so very true. 

[Appleblossom]

I am fairly good.  Had a moment live like your pic today  ... there are a few birders at the zoo and I am learning ...  and a lovely 15 minutes with a gorilla ... such a character. 

My son actually asked to have our family meeting which is progress away from living in his own world or expecting things to be provided. He is singing atm. Will start a yummy prawn dinner soon.  

Are you and your brood alright?