Coping with negative/suicidal thoughts.

[SleepyPanda]

Hi @Former-Member

We are here for you!

[outlander]

They might just be pictures in your head but they can feel very daunting and overwhelming too @Former-Member its not easy reaching out for help so well done 💕
Have you got anything that helps you when the thoughts come about at all? I think it was LJ that suggested a safety plan?

Are you able to catch up with friends at all even for a little while? It might help with your loneliness too...

[Former-Member]

Thanks guys, i made it to church, even stayed for quick cuppa - put on a happy face, even helped a couple people. Familiar faces & smiles help. Blackdog brain amplifies slightest hint of rejection, but been worse. Maybe sit in the sun a bit this arvo. Got a load of washing to hang, my fav job. I'm wondering if these pain meds are affecting my thoughts? Know barbituates increase SI in the padt. Just those waves were strong last night, feel the fear see it in my head which powers it. Guess i'll always have SI ebbing in the background, frightening me when it wills 😞 Anyway, resisting so far. A SAFTEY PLAN is good, Beyond Blue have one - must revise mine. Ta

[Former-Member]

Had couple hours sleep this arvo.

[outlander]

evening @Former-Member 

could you perhaps take a look and see if thats a side effect of your meds? im not sure pain meds would have that sort of effect but you never know! 

you know having those SI thoughts scaring you despite how crap it is its good. when my thoughts no longer scare me thats a big warning sign things arent right so keep being scared! 

if you need help with your safety plan the mods are good at helping you work through it, they helped me quite alot. we can help here too if you would like (something are abit limiting though) 

hows your day been? did you manage those thoughts or have they reduced abit more now?

[Former-Member]

Hey @outlander, thanks for checking back. Hope you're ok? The thoughts & wash of fear have gone tonight. I've only seen SI listed as side affect of barbituate & of antidepressants (go figure), but i think its an individual thing. Like alcohol, whatever's just under the surface manifests when i drink, not a good combination when it also takes your inhibition / control. Its important i dont drink when fragile (most want to).
Thanks for listening though. Need to talk this darkside of me out somewhere. The other threads don't seem suitable. Think its the winter blues a bit.

We just had a storm, its raining softly and cold. Aggrivates the arthritis but i'm hesitating to take more pills.

Do you have pets? I've let the dogs in to sleep tonight. Needless to say theyre both on my bed 😕 Kinda therapeutic really ❤

[outlander]

@Former-Memberim alway happy to chat if you need to.   i dont mind and it takes away from my own thoughts too. 

im really glad they have gone tonight. its tiring having those SI thoughts isnt it.. 

yep each thing affects everyone differently so perhaps it is one of your meds but best to chat with gp again- do you think you could have a chat to them soon? 

have you noticed your moods changed since starting those meds? or more so now that winters setting in?  

i dont really get the winter blues, my depression is like a bloody rollercoaster all yr round without the changes in weather. have you found anything that helps perk your mood up at all? 

we not long had a storm either. its gotten really cold so ive rugged up in bed before i start creaking too esp with an injury atm causing enough pain on its own. 

could you try heat packs at all to help with your arthritis? or gentle massages?

yep ive got pets, a dog, bird, rabbit and horses. all of them stay outside though. they all have covers to keep the cold out when winters here and the rabbit has shavings in her cage too and birds got like a nest thing he can go into if he chooses to. your dogs are lucky. pop doesnt like the animals much so they dont come inside. 

[Former-Member]

I dont usually let the dogs in but Georgia panics in storms, some sort of severe anxiety, mum use to give her pills, i wont be going that far. Ooo, weird, dog just growled, spooked me so put the light on. Usually only growlsTlike thatbwhen someone's enterirg the room.

There's still thunder outside.

No, i wont tell the dr re my 'carer' role & backstabbing family ready to pounce. Did tell Psycholigist recently, nothing more they can do really. I just have to work at keeping stress (distress) down, live more present moment. My next psych apt is Friday.

Getting tired here...

[outlander]

Im glad youve got georgia there with you. Give her a hug and settle down for the night @Former-Member
Keeping doing things for yourself too though ok. Keep safe rest sleep breathe and practice some strategies when things get tough ok.
Sweet dreams 😴💝💖

[outlander]

hi @Former-Member how are you going?