Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

@Snowie @tyme @oceangirl @MDT @Shaz51 @Emelia8 @hanami @FloatingFeather @Eve7 

saw dr this morning. My bp is sky high (200/110) he made me stay and gave me extra med. 
He sent me home to bed to rest up. 
I’ve got a headache and shaky. 

Trying to not stress but easier said than done. 
He thinks it could be something electrical in my heart. I have to have a 24 hr monitor on Tuesday. 

stress is making me sick 😢😢

I’ve had a good sleep and my headache has gone and my BP has reduced. 

[Shaz51]

Ohh hugs my darling sister @BlueBay 

It is good that you are getting this looked at with your heart  xoxo 

[tyme]

How are you feeling now @BlueBay ?

Have you tried controlling your breathing to minimise the stress? I never believed in 'breathing' before...but now, I realise the power of the breath.

I also respect your choice if you prefer me not to ask you to 'breathe' because I know it erks some people.

It used to erk me... and I'd get angry. I felt as though people thought my problems could be 'breathed away'...

Nowadays, when I'm heightened, I don't mind people giving me a gentle reminder.

It's your call.

I'm here sitting with you,

tyme

[oceangirl]

@BlueBay 

It's good that you are getting this looked at. Are you able to attend day program at private clinic- do you think that would help?

Do you have a BP monitor at home? You need to talk to both of your parents- and express how you feel etc. Be calm and say that you would like to see them more often and to make an effort. 

How are you tonight?

[BlueBay]

Hi @tyme 

i don't mind you saying anything!!

i remember a few years ago when i used to ring my previous psychologist in a panic - he would say to me to breathe and i would say to him 'I AM BREATHING'!!!!  but i knew he meant to take some slow deep breaths!!

i am still not feeling 100% physically and mentally i am feeling stressed.  i feel my heart rate is racing; i should go and get my BP checked with my machine.  We went to see 4 houses today; one was very nice and good price.  but i don't want to rush in and buy the first one we see.  i wasnted to see some others in another area but it's too late now.  we will go next week.

i am arguing more than normal with hubby about houses.  its stressful.

hi @oceangirl thanks for your message.  i do go to outpatient program on a wednesday which i find good.  

i am taking it easy for the rest of the day.  

hi @Shaz51 @Snowie @MDT @Emelia8 and others following - 

gosh i am buggered today, my BP is making me feel extra tired.

little A is coming over tonight for the night.  i think a nice easy night tonight.

[BlueBay]

hi everyone @oceangirl @tyme @Shaz51 @Snowie @MDT @Eve7 @Emelia8 @hanami @FloatingFeather and others following

I saw my GP earlier reg my very high BP.  I told him that i am feeling like my heart is racing so fast.  he checked my BP and said that was really good but my heart rate is too fast.  i told him i am tired, no energy and don't feel right.  and also have had the odd chest discomfort.  he messaged my cardiologist and is waiting his reply on what next step to do.  he said he will call me as soon as he hears back.  i am still having the 24hr monitor tomorrow.

i don't want to do anything at home, is this lazy??

i have had no contact from my parents and i am still very angry.  i really don't want to call her on thursday for her birthday but then that means no more contact. and then what do i do for fathers' day - nothing and no contact.  Or do i call her on her birthday and pretend nothing happened.  i do not know if i can do that anymore.  i am so hurt, angry at how she forgot my birthday.

i just feel crap, not 100% well.  i just wish someone would say 'right you are going to hospital' and i could have a break from all this crap. 

the sun is out and it's a nice day but i have no motivation or energy to go for a walk.  my dr suggested a walk when i said i was going to bed.  i can't be bothered anymore.  i don't know i am feeling very messed up in my head. confused.

[Snowie]

You are certainly not lazy @BlueBay 

Some days we just need to look after ourselves, and if that is spending the day in bed then so be it.

Please look after yourself and know we are only a post away 💕💕

[hanami]

Hi @BlueBay 

It's truly awful that your mum didn't get in touch on your birthday. That's really sad and you have every right to feel upset about it. 

I really hope things start to pick up soon. 

Sending big hugs

Hanami

[BlueBay]

Thanks @Snowie @hanami 

what have I done to deserve this kind of treatment from my mum and dad. I blame my dad too because he could get the phone snd call me. But he doesn’t. Maybe they don’t love me. 
maybe I’m the bad horrible child because I “ruined”the family when I remembered I was sexually abused as a child. 

Why? 
I can’t think straight. I’m so angry I want to sh. 
i am so stressed. Prob that’s why my BP is sky high snd I have a fast heart rate. 

Whst would they say if I wasn’t alive anymore. Would they be sad? Would they cry?  Guess I wouldn’t know cause I wouldn’t be there to see. 
gee I’m angry. I need to stop. It’s not fair how I’ve been treated. 
@hanami it’s horrible. That’s like me forgetting my own kids birthdays. How can you forget especially when my mums is this Thursday. 

i can’t understand 😢😢

[Paperdaisy]

Hi @BlueBay I can hear how distressed you are by this. It's not fair and you don't deserve to be treated like that. I can hear how angry you are and you feel like they don't care about you. 

Have you reached out to anyone else about this? 

I'm concerned for you and I would encourage you to reach out to the SANE helpline or crisis support if this escalates for you. 

Sitting with you 💝