Lived Experience Forum

[Phoenix_Rising]

I am back from my session with my turtle whisperer. Sigh...

The focus of our session was on the fact that my struggles to both be understood and to understand others, and the consequent frustration and conflict that this so often leads to is very much due to ASD rather than BPD and thus it isn't ever getting better. We talked about how somehow (we didn't get as far as figuring out actually how) we are going to have to come up with a way to manage the frustration. But the actual not-being-able-to-communicate thing isn't ever ever ever getting better.

I think this is in part why I struggle with the concept of recovery - because for me at least, some of my muddle is never going to get better.

Reading over the thread, I found it interesting seeing how many people don't like the term recovery. It almost seems like the "experts" have come up with the idea of talking about recovery thinking that it would engender hope in those with mental health issues, when in fact it can do the opposite.

I never use the term "recovery" myself. To me it makes much more sense to talk about "living well with..."

Out of that list of words you gave @Lauz, I would choose "functional." For me, being functional would mean being financially independent and not reliant on welfare. That's why I spent 12 years at uni with the goal of having a career. Thus far that isn't panning out so well.

[Former-Member]

Mr Darcy not able to set any goals at present due to pain from a medical condition.

I think to him something meaningful would be where he is in a place where he can contribute in a positive way, where he will feel that what he does makes a difference to someone and that he is appreciated for it. Having a couple of good mates with mutual interests is something he would like too.

[Shaz51]

its awesome that its opening a big discussion up for you and Mr Shaz too.-- it has @Lauz but with this information -- what do i do next ?? it is hard to see what we can do towards these goals or to theses changes , I am stuck to know

[Lauz]

15 minutes left everyone.

Welcome @Former-Member - this is really interesting and I also think brave. The ability to notice your mums outcomes and also where you are sitting within your own journey now is powerful as we have mentioned previously around awareness.

[Former-Member]

the word well for me stands out, i would like to be and feel well... the other word that stands out is managed, i dont know whether im ever going to be completely free of depression or the ptsd symptoms but i hope that i can use better strategies more instinctively so that the fight against them isnt so hard.. so i guess i hope i can manage my illness better so that i can feel well... at least some of the time.

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member That's interesting that the term "managed" works for you. I don't like that word at all, but I think that's because it has been used in a different context in my world. I can hear that you want to manage your illness. My previous psychologist told me that I could only ever be "contained and managed." I can hear that there is a fundamental difference between the individual managing their own illness (empowering) and the idea that the person with a mental illness will be "managed" by others (super disempowering).

[Lauz]

@Shaz51 maybe by breaking them down into mini steps - sometimes our eyes can be bigger than our mouths and its okay to feel achieved in your or your loved ones journey of functionality, awareness, stability etc in small steps and moments.

Paying attention to the details of a glass in front of you or telling someone something that is on your mind - could be 'goals' or maybe celebrating the smallest wins that you have observed in a loved one can help you feel the achievements in a bigger way? 

[CheerBear]

In response to the question about goals, I have set myself the goal of returning to my degree and then entering a career I have been working towards for a long time. That's my big goal which feels varying degrees of far away depending on where I am on that wonky recovery line at the time (I also want to change the world but that's a bit BIG for thinking about now).

I have much more short term goals that include things like trying to get into healthier sleeping and eating patterns and finishing a crafty project I have been working on (which is part of my time out and self-care).

Like others, goals can be hard for me. The times when I feel my goals are too far away to reach, or when they seem further away than they were the day before, or when I don't meet my 'smaller' goals, can be really tough times. Setting the goal of being kind to myself, seems pretty important for these times 🙂

[Former-Member]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising - there are times or have been times that i have needed to be managed by others because i was really not well and didnt really know how unwell and there was nothing that i could do myself to help myself.. but I hope that now that im better than that state that i can manage myself withi my supports (psychologist/psychiatrist) to keep getting more well...? so i dont see being managed as negative either.. but not in a long term situation as such...

[Lauz]

Thanks for sharing with us @Former-Member - great to see your feedback around these words too